a bullet through the heart </3

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

the some1 tagged. who is he/she? wonders. mayB i noe. mayB i dont. aniwaes. dont tell me who u are. telling me to move on. life will not alwaes be on ur side. forget all the past, n u will be happy once again. aniwaes anonoymous. its easier said than done. u havent suffered wat i did. i mean twice. its hurting.

wat the fuck is wrong wit my msn?

so fucked up. having a fucking bad headache... its getting worse. fuck those pple! u noe who u are. fuck u! get the fuck off! dont let me see u motherfuckers! i had fucking enuff. try me once more. cos i noe im not letting myself fall into ur web. and then things get worse. and all ended up getting hurt. i feel like pulling the trigger. on myself. on u. can u not do this on to me. just go away. wont it be better? like once it happen. now im doing it to u. get the fuck out of my life. those words were from some1. now im using that on u.... so fuck off... fuck off. just fuck off. let me live my fucking live. one dae u're happy. the other u're freaking backstabbing me. fuck u! y u act like nth has happen? i noe u wont change. u're back just to get me killed once more. fuck off! time again. go away. i wont be killed by u twice. so fuck off!

just for those who made my life.

aniwaes. father was mad. he beat me. try me to get out of the com. i was on from 7? to 12++ not his fucking fault. haha. well father. fuck u. i dont care. u didnt too. so dont act like u do! i nvr ask a single thing from u. so u shudnt too! just fuck off okay? i hope u fucking see tis and try to beat me black and blue. i'll do the same. when i was young u shud have displine me. now if u dare lay a fucking of ur dirty fingers on me u'll get a fucking fist full of me. call the police. i dont care. fuck wit my future. i dont care. just dont bother me.

its raining. how it suits my mood. how the skys is so dark. so beautiful so nice. i wanna be up dancing in the rain. wash all my probs. o how i wish i cud. the sky so purple. so indigo. nice colour. relie suits my mood. i hope it rains everydae at night. not everydae. only when im sad. ok wat the fuck rite?....

[[ watch ur mouth! ]]
[[ motherfuckers. ]]

had CIP. wat a fucking waste of time. but well. did it soo. went to the park. the same route. reali reminds me. the sky was the same. the wind was the same. and the place is still there. just so sad. sad..................

tommorrow. teachers dae. playing floorball? i dont noe. just wait there. if not playing then fuck them!... tmr going out. where we going guys? then follow my other frends pierce. i hope it hurts. aniwaes are u gonna follow me pierce?

[[ such a boring dae ]]

Monday, August 29, 2005

hey. here i am wondering. how did i influence my friends. who i never thot they would do it. why would u guys slit? izzit becos of me? me? damn. i knew i should have cover those scars of mine. i mean its okay to do it when u're sad. but dont do it cos u seen me doing it. u cant tink and u did it. im not stopping u. cos im in no position to do it. when u was in ur state. yea what the fuck rite? lets do it. so mayB when i feel sad i'll do it. i wont stop and cant stop even if i wanted too. but if u wanna do it. dont do it too deep or lose much blood. use a razor. its better. but dont over do it.. okies? make it a last resort. i have to go to the fucking place where they talk to u. just crap aniwaes last resort. who noes i might be doing it. but i dont do it out of fun so shud u! last resort! listen. razor/penknife blade.... so hey. if i can help. even when im sad. like i said. i'll push all the fucking feelings of sadness and help u guys. its been like a virus and its spreading. first its me. then u guys. gosh. i feel guilty. even if its not my fault. ill help u guys. make u luff like i alwaes did? i wont keep quiet and tink of my probs no more. i wont. i'll help u guys. cos over the years u helped me too.. so when we meet. at skool. no more sadness. okies? hey i have alwaes been the funny one. so let me be the funny felix again. wit me. happiness? okies? now its ur turn. and stop rubbing salt to the wound where u shot. stabbed. and slit it. to the place where emotions are felt... i wont. i dont have a partner. after all the shit that has happen? wat is wrong wit u?

met Mr. Azmi yesterdae... was going back. sitting at the park. tinking bout stuffs. then i mr.azmi came. we chatted... then he wanted me to come and try the floorball at PRPS. aint that great? but still life sucks. i dont noe where would i be without floorball. or sports... is there gonna be a teacher VS the students on teachers dae? aniwaes its gonna be fun. then sad..

my non-sad friends are gonna pierce! u guys making me jealous as i am. tounge huh? soon its gonna be me. tounge lips.(left center right) mayB eyebrown. mayB. and u're gonna follow me. so thats all from me. and remember remember the 1st of november. sounds catchy doesnt it? aniwaes its trade marked! dont follow it!

[[ life still sucks. and its getting worse. ]]
[[ friends. dont over do it. i m here to do it fer ya. ]]
[[ im not ur fucking insparation. ]]
[[ if anithing it is. goodbye. ]]

Sunday, August 28, 2005

he watched... the part made him remind of the beautiful memories. now all gone. he couldnt take it. he switched it off. he didnt feel better. the gal who cheered him up wasnt there. he didnt noe who to turn too. so sad. and blah blah blah. he still dreads his life. still the gal didnt msg. no help... he suffered. soon he feel asleep. the next morning he woke up. it was hell. he was feeling so sad he fucked every1 off. so emo. he didnt talk to ani1. blah blah. he friend msged him. and he slit his wrist. he said to himself. it must be spreading. slowly. first his classmates. and his best friend. should he go back to smoking? shud he be the bad boy he used to be? he thot of his future and said no. and thot. no 1 can help faliq except faliq. but he cudnt tink. so he just pushed the feeling of sadness. and played games from 10 till now. and he cant help but feel sad again. dont noe wats wrong wit him. . . .

[[ no 1 can help. ]]
[[ it wont go away. ]]
[[ thanks for trying. ]]

todae. feel so sad. so depressed. its like the angle of death and depression sat beside me. in between is a boy who dreads his life. cos its becoming worse. wit family probs and stuffs. the most he worrie is his n's. so worried that he cant tink he felt so weird. then he msg the 1 who helped him. trys to cheer him up. he felt happiness for a little while. and he thnked the gal... thank u. he said. still feeling sad. he had to follow his family to a flower farm. he was feeling abit better.

he dreaded not bringing him camera. then he feel into the hole of darkness. he felt sad. he felt weird. he cant tink. all he can tink is just abt the past. the daes. the pain. he cant take it animore. he wanted to leave it. he didnt want to tink. he wanted to inflict pain onto himself. to forget things.

but somehow. the gal replied. and still told him to cheer up. and talked to him. he forgot wat he wanted to do. and he didnt wanna do it animore. then he shed a tear. he cant stop it. he tried to hold. but tis time it didnt. and it flow. down his cheek. then he went to the toilet to wash off the tears. so sad that he wander and lost himself in the farm. so he sad alone and wondering. why these things are happening to him. the gal replied. not to tink abt things. not knowing wat to do. he followed her advice. and it did help. then she didnt msg her again. he went home. didnt eat the whole dae. he went to put on a dvd. it made him feel better. made him feel good. he slept the whole dae. and now he just woke up. the story still continues.

[[ the saddistic boy. ]]
[[ saddly he cant help ]]
[[ thanks for being there ]]

Friday, August 26, 2005

i'll get back to u as soon as possible? u wanna noe y rite? just wait.

[[ preparing for my n's ]]
[[ i noe im gonna fail ]]
[[ me emo? noo. emo? noo. ]]

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

update. soon. then u'll understand me... nvr gonna be the same.

[[ the werds u said.. ]]
[[ nvr gonna be the same ]]
[[ got the feeling. so pain. so hurt ]]
[[ my eyes are getting worse. ]]

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

todae. so bored. bored. boring. got assembly. i salute u auntie. but too bad i wasnt motivated. so all ur efforts go to waste. only me can help me. after that went to the library. studied wit afiqah and mahirah. didnt studie though. caught up wit things. chit chatted. then went to buy specs. khalizrina helped me choose it. got the specs but didnt change the lens. soon. i hate the blurr vision. i hope its just the haze and not my eyes. just b4 i get the lens. hope. i hate it.

tmr got CIP... at the beach. O how its gonna remind me of the times. ouch. it hurt. i cant do anithing. but feel it. sigh.

[[ specs me? ]]
[[ im emo? ]]
[[ the beach... memories ]]

Monday, August 22, 2005

wow.. went to the audition. my band wont play though. not euff jamming. next year coral has a floorball club! and im gonna come back to teach all the newbies! im not sure if i want to!

todae. nothing much happen. went to the audition. passed the drumstick to farhan. then we were told that there were no drumsets. too bad. so farhan asked me to stay. watch all of the band play. some of em are ok. so guys good job.

after that faiz and hakim were at the canteen. had drinks. then was invited to spent a dae wit the sec 2 kids. reminds me when i was sec 2. faiz seems sad. feeling bad for him. but i shud feel bad for myself. so wateva. went to whitesands. to the library then to play soccer at the block. havent done that for a long time. so very long. fun. took things of my mind. i think floorball is gonna make me forget who i am. aniwaes tmr is gonna be floorball dae. shud i bring my stick? i dont noe. it seems i dont noe anithing in life. so fuck it. emo am i? i can luff rite?

[[ alone. ]]
[[ somewhere in my mind ]]
[[ dead. alive. dead again. ]]

Sunday, August 21, 2005

am i so sad that im happy? so such thing rite? just as i thought. so that means im crazy... sigh.

dont noe wat to do.. up at my computer. looking so glum. i can use the com much. i have (egg-ma-stiz-zim) i tink. i havent gone for the eye check up. i dont like specs. i just dont like the feel. hate it.

stap = steph... sorie bout that. but it relie does sound better.its 1:42. dont have much to talk abt. its alwaes the same. if only something exciting happens.

just that my dreams die all the time... and i cant live them up again. its hard. u wont understand.

didnt do much...
well enuff shit about me

[[ my eyes! ]]
[[ the so called emo? ]]
[[ so pain. so hurt. ]]

Saturday, August 20, 2005

after exams yesterdae. went to white sands. for breakfast... eat there. talked to the boys of the class. chatted. talk bout the exams. then me and rahim went to get food. we went up all of em were gone! fuck u guys! well... atleast u came back. haha. but that short little mother fucker didnt. so i guess he's the mster mind.. i'll get him some other dae....

i went home. cant go to the mosque... got some ink tattoo which i just cant erase. and some scars... so went home and change. didnt noe i wore all blue. thot we wanted to study at library. then khaliz said he wanted to go out todae. so i went back wit him and put my bags.. and went off... wow doesnt tis seem detailed. we walked and talked. it just hurts me when he talk bout tis certain topic. so we were at the library. was sitting wit eil, kel and stap. we talked... they luff out loud. it just seems that when im sad. i tend to make others luff. mayB bcos i dont wanna see them sad like me... it just gets me thinking... argh. then khaliz had to send his gal. home. then i still talked to them. eil and stap got something bad going on. like something happening. i wasnt there. took a cook book to get my mind of things...

then diyana and hidaya came. i talked to them. still i made them luff... u noe the reason... we talked then went out fer awhile... met many old friends... and special ones too. it just seems like yesterdae...... then khaliz called. went to the lib. stap and kel asked to stay. then suddenly tis guy named fairul came. then they started talking. fairul was talking funny though.. like (u noe...) his hair was coloured. nice colour though. didnt match him.. too bad. i shurded alot. i tink i noe y.. so i decided to get off. khaliz was so fast. i tink he knew y... then we went to town. we were supposed to go to far east SHOPPING CENTRE.. but clever khaliz went to far east PLAZA!...fun though... almost spent all my money on stuffs there. nightmare b4 christmas. alot of stuffs. wanted to buy emily the strange for a frend. but didnt noe which to pick.....

we searched the whole place, then i called my floorball mate to asked where it was. cos i forgot too... then he said he was at far east shopping centre... haha. we went there. alot of pple were looking at me... i didnt noe y... i asked khaliz wats wit my face. he looked and there was nth... strange. we walked on and reached. finally. we found it by mistake.... the sticks there were over 100 bucks. almost put a deposit on a stick! argh! the nicest most best suitable stick fer me! it has lots of colours. lime green N black. that was nice too. i wanted that. but it was out of freaking stock. and the only had pictures. if only i cud take it home. so we went for food. we chatted... all the wae.. until khaliz had to go home. too bad we didnt stay near the same place.

so i went home then suddenly i looked at the moon. i took a sit and stared. thot of things. and yesterdae. the moon so bright. it lights the night. O so round.... so white. wit black spot. i noe i cant be on the moon so i wanted to look at it till i had to go home. just had alot of thots. alone. in the cold nite. i dont care.. its better to be alone than hurt. but i just cant seem to let go.... the moon was mesmerising. i didnt wanna go... the sky. was O so beautiful... then the fone rang. i had to go. so i walked home. it would be better if i went to esplanade. alone. but it was 10+ and i cant turn back... mayB todae.. mayB not ever. i dont noe... so that was wat happen to me yesterdae. thanks for reading.... ask me for something.. its on me..

[[ the moon ]]
[[ cant stop thinking of times ]]
[[ the best stick i could ever dream of ]]

Thursday, August 18, 2005

the dae so dark. it just suits my mood.

finished my exams. tmr another. and 1 more month. the biggest. y am i not worrying? shudnt i be afraid? mayb it just the things happening to me. thanks for wanting to call... im glad i met u the other time. and now it seems like we have become such good friends... thank you.

im so down. i wanted to go to the place where we used to go. but memories. and it rained. i didnt mind. memories.
it stopped me.

so i went to a friends house. wit the other 2... talked. went to whitesands for burger. then went back.

ouh yar. next time. if u guys wanna jam. dont ask me to plan animore. cos it seems like all of the fuck u are busy. so i guess u plan and tell me. its better.

headache.

my line been fucking cut off. so call me at 91127108...

[[ i feel pain. in my head. in my heart. ]]
[[ dont prove it to me. ]]
[[ all the things... ]]
[[ tis werds. ]]

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

life.. u only live once they say....

izzit worth living?? pple are enjoying life cos good things are happening to them... it wont happen to me... things have gone down. the only thing i can do is study. alone. wit friends. waiting for n'level to arrive... the world just passes by me... just leave me alone. pass thur me. dont care bout me. i wanna be alone.

if i have changed too much. then i suppose u guys just fuck off. people think that its just a fucking game. to me it isnt. everyday. i have to deal with people. who are straight up fucker. those who wont let others be themself. fuck u! wat if i gathered the whole class to turn on u? u tink i keep quiet just for fun? just watch ur mouth motherfucker. and u other motherfuckers. dont bother me. let me be a loner.

slit the wrist. Ooo so deep. let it bleed.
i have no fear. only pain. deep inside.
in my eyes some unshed tears...

the pain i hide. i just keep on smiling.
the laugher of mine. i keep on crying on the inside.
the salt u put on my wounds. i just felt the pain. the hurt.
My shattered heart so empty.
inside me.. so much pain.
my bleeding heart. it bleeds so much.
neverending. its tearing me apart.
without u ... i m dying.
farewell, the queen of my heart.

Inside my heart, to pieces,
I am shattered all those pieces
in darkness now scattered.

i see sadness up ahead.
my life...
its soon all dead.
no more can i turn and look at life.
the love the joy.
will soon be gone.
only pain and sorrow will i feel.
a tear filled my eyes. im dead.
no love. no joy.
my broken heart.
i kept it deep inside...

[[ these peoms of mine.... ]]
[[ let me be. dont bother wit me ]]
[[ live ur life. as u said u wanted so ]]

yea... tmr confirm jamming. better get ur fucking tabs rite! haha.... sorry for the fucking vulgars. it just make me feel good. haha. okok i stop the fucking vulgars now.

studied wit sharhirah and lina for the first time... kewl... fun though... i thot they were better in maths than me... but it seems otherwise.. its like i became their teacher... and i was shocked...

got my klass photo todae. they said i looked like the guy who won the idol. taufik. hak! some said i looked like a model. plz! i noe im not. so stop it.... its just a photo. and i was sad at that time.. and i wasnt trying to kiss warren! my mouth was bloated. i kept air! ass! tts all! haha.. so tink wateva u want. im not gay... if i m i would be wit kah chai.. haha... im not wit him... touch the wood. ekk!

darkness... filled me within. people who made me hate you. u wont forget wat i will do to u. so just watch out...

todae. thot wanted to meet. then u gave ur reasons. i believe it. dont get me wrong.

i thot u didnt care.. but u did.. so its okay...

if you were here i'd never have a fear.....

so go on live your life.....

but i'll miss you more than i did yesterday....

[[ mcr explains my life ]]
[[ darkness filled me ]]
[[ im not me animore ]]
[[ say goodbye... ]]
[[ to the end. ]]

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

todae. so bored... prelims are coming and im not doing anithing. i shud be worrying. hmm... strange...
we got P.E.. then quek asked the klass to play floorball. wow... so i played. i didnt have to mood so... then quek called me out and asked me to show him some skills wit some ass fucked up stick. hak! so i did. i didnt perform well though. sads... but quek was serious... so i got to be too.. asking me to come back after n's... to train.!! so excited... im gonna get a trophy for coral.hak!!! afiqah! u shud play too! get a girls team to play! set it up! haha. so i tink we are the only guy team. mayB quek got other boys to join. but we are the undefeattables... lost to khaliz team! now he is in my team. khaliz. me. faris. saiful. and edward. all ex-pasir ris knights. tts wat the coach used to call us! afiqah shud noe!

hearing songs rite now. shud be studying. my mind seems just not straight. must study. E.O.A and CPA.... they are on this thursdae. then fridae also have.... but thurs can jam! yea! eh u all dont busted again ar! yesterdae sae wanna jam then nvr jam! so thurs or fridae? choose!

tmr i hope the sun will shine. and the has just begun. i must step up to things. learn to live alone. try to make things right for myself. i wont die. i got goals.

im weird. pple say so. am i? some pple sae i make them luff. some sae i make em realise things. some sae i help them feel better. and i got leadership. i dont see that. how come u all can?? y cant i apply the things to me? its so sad....

[[ sun will shine.. ]]
[[ study ]]
[[ jam? ]]
[[ weird ]]

Monday, August 15, 2005

the dream has come true.. get to represent for coral... yea! mr.quek asked me to form the team that time which we played at f3.... competition.. yea! kewl! its gonna be fun! cant wait....

n's oOOo n's.... i cant wait for u to arrive. shud i be saying tis?? i sound crazy... cos i tink i m. some1 who cares out there... plz help me... i m not okay... help me out....

lassel.? i tink its spelled that wae. they got music technology. SHATEC... can do my cooking there. ITE they got my course there... i dont noe where to go... but most prob. i would be in ITE.... must come back skool!..... if can i wanna teach floorball to the kids. chey! like as if im a big dude...

just now i was so fucking rude to miss leong. i didnt give a damn to her.. muahahaha. i didnt studie todae. after skool i did... alone.. at home. sad rite? cos miss leong called my fucking home! if not i would be in the library fuck u!

am i become a rebel? haha. being the old self. so brutal.... being a angry kid who didnt cared abt the world. i tink i can become it. but shud i? see wat will motivate me into tis....

[[ killing myself ]]
[[ library... ]]
[[ floorball! ]]
[[ sick flu* fever* ]]

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Just got back from JB.

woke up at 9. thot they left. and they called.. told me it was at 930 am. i got up. thinking bout yesterdae. y do u keep saying that it is okay to ignore u? do u want me to ignore u?...... then i got into the car. on the wae. i still thot of u. wat would happen... i dont noe. then we went to a place to do my bro-in-law car body kit. tts the reason he asked me out to follow him. i picked. then we went to carefour. they shopped. i still thot of her. and me. i tink my whole family saw my cut. i tink thats y they are so good to me. are they taking behind my back? is that y? did they just notice my difference? its too late. wat i noe is that i dont have a family. but i still thot of u.

after shopping they ate. i didnt have the mood to eat. i thot of u. i thot of my future.... them we went to coffee bean... they drank. i drank too. but still i thot of u. and the funny thing is.. i tink god is trying to tell me something. 2 things. i tink i noe wat it is... soon u guys will noe...

then they went to giant. on the wae. i thot of u. i thot abt my life...

they shopped again. i did too. but still, i thot of u. in the end... i didnt buy anything. then they shopped till it was 6... i thot of u. then i thot abt my exams. it was then i was so fucking scared. it was my n's... i dont wanna fail. not even 1...

if i fail my maths. i'm gonna go suicide...

tmr i thot i want to go to batu 7... or go photo taking. but i have to study. alone, wit a fren. anithing. im so afraid that i'll fail. sigh. the library. its my home. im gonna go crazy... after my n's im gonna relie relie let out my stress. and leave the skool. i just dont feel myself rite now. and im still thinking of u.

[[ not myself. ]]
[[ thinking of u ]]
[[ i tink im not okay. ]]
[[ am i? ]]
[[ n's ]]

Saturday, August 13, 2005

todae.

it was morning.. it rang. i talked. and i didnt wanna put down.. the truth seems like a lie..

its my fault. shudnt have thot the the thing was gonna happen. who am i bluffing... its okay. u cant force it rite... so its ur decision. i'll go wit it. just somethings i dont understand.

wat u said.. i was shocked. i dont noe wat to do. mayB just keep sliting till i get myself right. damn. i dont noe how to live life. im sick. and i still wanna engrave the name. tts tat...

went to the shop. met farhan. he invited me to go jamming at his house. yes house. he got drumset, guitar and a electone. saw them playing... they played that thing u do. and something. i got to play wit them that thing u do. its was fun...

[[ its my fault. ]]
[[ dont stop me. ]]
[[ is it me? ]]

the libary has become my 2nd home. studied there till 7. even though u werent there. i relie appriciate it that u call! u were "by" my side. at least i got to hear ur voice.

todae. my life was just towards studying. its was okies.

i went home i was so tired i slept. learning makes u tired.

tmr got audition for teachersdae. there is gonna be a drumset there. so i tink im gonna mayB play it.. haha! i wont. just gonna check out my friends to see how they play.

okies thats all. those who read tis. will have a very long life.

[[ its good u called ]]
[[ i studied? ]]
[[ im not god. ]]

Thursday, August 11, 2005

todae. i wish to live it all over again. it was okay. it was fun. my frends became closer.

u called. i was glad. we talked. i wasnt sad. taking till the sun set. when will we ever get to talk like that again?

its things like tis that make me realise life is good..

just dont do it to him like that. make him feel happy. dont make him feel sad. he's sad already. so he's fragile... he's trying to get back on his feet... so help him soo. till he doesnt need no help.

[[ help him. ]]
[[ t3. ]] - jokes. it sucks. get it?
[[ meet ya ]]

just now. i tink i m taking it wrongly... tsk tsk tsk.... mayB im soo tired tts the reason.. make it up fer just now...

i tink its me... i alwaes think that its a bad thing. y?.... i dont noe...

[[ trust ]]
[[ love ]]
[[ dead ]]

im so fucked up wet.... just got back from white sands... i brought my mp3. i went to the libary and couldnt find a fucking sit. so i went to mac to have lunch b4 i go up again... i switched it on then it just fucking froze... i wanted to study! agh. im here trying to repair my ipod.

life is bad for me. when im going to study they say im gonna go for fights or going to meet some1.. wat the fuck? fuck u all. say wateva u want...

[[ way down. ]]
[[ said i'll try ]]

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

thnks to illys, my blog got photos. thank you so much.

im feeling so down.

things just suck.

and u do tis to me.

how could i ever recover without u?

i dont noe.

[[ feeling so down. way down. ]]

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

todae. nth much happen. got parade. give my hats off to those who practice for tis dae. put their dedication and time into tis. the uniform groups... too bad it rained... so tough luck guys. there is alwaes next year..

it rained. then we all went to class. brought my practice pad. thank god for that. its josh's pad. he lend it to me. yesterdae went to his crib and played there.. he got tis drumometer and it takes in sec how many hit u can do. so i did 200 -/+ in 30 secs... i suck. i need more practice. wanna play for a band 1 dae. dream on dude. wat can i do? i do all sports. but im only good in floorball/rock climbing- soccer( i still am not good) . cos i have longs legs. i got that nick during camp. got into the "finals" and won. and made frends. still frends wit that dude who got 2nd. muahahaha.. but dont noe if i can still climb fast.

i wanna join rifle shooting... tts all... haha.

tmr national dae. happy b'day.... shud i go to where i dont noe... life is bored fer me...

tts all...

[[ not constant anymore ]]
[[ drowning ]]
[[ slit it ]]

Saturday, August 06, 2005

yesterdae fiqah invited me to go wit her to paragon.... so i had to go.... to see u.. the people of coralite play... so u guys better play well... shud i throw flowers?? My chemical Romance...

1 whole dae im gonna spent at the centre of singapore.... to see coral play then go to gig. mayB im not going then im gonna chill out at esplanade... tmr too... to see matt's band... wan u going not? so guys have a good dae okies?

no mp3! arghhhhh.... help!....

[[ flower?? ]]
[[ the boy at town.. ]]
[[ mp3 no more ]]

the ghost aint hungry... after u called.. and put the receiver down. khaliz called. hello. he asked me out to follow him to WS.... dont noe y.. we had food and went to the park... me and my stupid idea... play the swing after we just eaten... it was fun.. but not when u feel queasy and shit... i wanted to vomit.. it all ended up in burps. . . . .

y are u like tis? i dont understand. i just wanna talk it out wit u... plz give me a chance. its like u're running away from it... are u?

[[ carry on ]]
[[ burps* ]]
[[ sickening ]]

Friday, August 05, 2005

wats happening to my fucking cheerful world? things havent been the wae its suppose to go.. pple like tis like that.... plz pple. i dont need that... dont talk to me... i might upset u... u might upset me... so i'll try to fuck off kay? im unstable... dont come near me... i tink my werld is falling down.. i wanna leave tis place.. where is my happy place? some1 please blow my mind. wit something. a gun? or werds? both will do... so just do it...

[[ fuck ]]
[[ dead ]]
[[ me not me ]]

todae. went to mosque wit khaliz and saiful.. got to noe saiful better... they told me something tat u shud noe.. i went back to skool wit them. to studie. and something to tell u. i wanted to open my mouth. and u walked away... mayB cos of something...

so i went home. to get my stuffs. for more studie... maths.. i went to the libary alone. i saw so many couples todae. izzit some couple dae or something? aniwaes went there alone.. boo hoo... lalalala. then did my werk alone. without the trusty mp3... i ordered a mocha and it was the rite drink ... reminded me of things... good times... did 2 whole chapter. times passes so fast. then khaliz and serina. like couples went up to sae hi!... we talked then they left. me alone again. i wish some1 was beside me. talk to me abt life and things. but no 1 was there. sad huh.... the foolish and mentally insane me...

people said i'hv changed for the good and bad... 1 minute im up and the next im soo tired. the whole class noticed that.. then im sad then happy then sad then happy then sad then happy.. mood swing? i dont tink so.. then most of em agreed that when i m happy i m myself. but when im sad cos of things. they noticed that i dont walk propely. i was like as if i didnt wanna walk. my face looked like as if a million thoughts we running. and i looked sad. do i? i dont noe... so guys im not. mayB im but im not.

for the first time in my life i was thinking maths! going down the stairs. i was thinking of how to get the actual distance. weird. i dont do tis type of things... wats happening to me?? have i change alot?...

paragon. i dont tink im going. cos warren and yati not gg... so mayB i'll b there. so guys u have my support. do good luck!

[[ changed? ]]
[[ alone. mocha. ]]
[[ empty ]]
[[ weird ]]
[[ mentally insane. ]]

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Hey Sam! its ur birthdae! and u're turning 16! happy sweet 16! u're older! asshole! hahaks....

hey.. thnks for talking things out wit me... ouh yar. i wont eat chickens when i go out wit u.. hahahaks...

[[ chickens. ]]
[[ burp* ]]

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

yesterdae i couldnt sleep. i relie cant. haiis... just dont worry bout me.

they tired to cheer me up. they thot i was crying. hahaks! i was depressed. i felt like tis once. its normal for me now. so thnks guys... you chuan. thnks a lot. rahim....

long time didnt NS. shud i? i shud cos i m so stressed up. everydae... tmr. its either the lilbary or batu 7.... if its not raining.... i gotta do werk... so its libary then batu 7... thinking. think. think.

todae had a long talk wit felica warren too. they wanna jam! i was alrite.. y not? rite... felica plays the electone. warren guitar. diyana bass. rahim/kahchai vocals. me drums of course. hahaks...

looking at the blade. looking at my wrist. shud i slash? shud i cut? or shud i live my life? these thots running thur my mind. ...

good bye.

[[ the techs. ]]
[[ i wont hate u for that ]]
[[ i hate myself ]]

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

just came back from skool after a long dae. didnt went home. me and you chuan stayed back to do some maths. then we went to white sands. he went home i went to the libary to do my werk. and wow i completed 48 sums in 1 dae. shocked... went there. sat. order latte instead of mocha. but still its was nice. i remember the dae when me and u order latte and mocha. the mocha was nice. then we mixed it up. .. and the drink we called it mocha latte. and they sell it actually... see. i dont want tat to end.. i want it to last... wat got u thinking that? aniwaes i hope we can talk things out...

weee. tis sat got tournament. my team has khaliz, saiful, me and faris. the star player.. he is soo damn good. hahks. tis sat at tamp. cant wait. took out my old old stick and clean it yesterdae haha.

okok. i m soo tired. gonna watch simpsons. bye.

[[ lets talk things out first ]]
[[ call! ]]
[[ mocha ]]
[[ floorball! ]]

Monday, August 01, 2005

t3 t3 t3 t3 t3... hahaks... todae was relie fun. very fun. wanna do it soon. very soon. hahaks... but no walking around. hey. i still wanna talk bout the thing tat u said. its still in my mind. i cant get it out.

[[ relie?? ]]
[[ fun! ]]
[[ talk bout it ]]