a bullet through the heart </3

Monday, January 30, 2006

summary.
staying here. watching myself in the mirror wit the luffing gas in my brain for the time being im watching myself smile after a period of time. it was nice to see. but it wasnt me. it was the gas. and it was out of my system fast. would i still be the same? i keep asking myself the question. staying there awhile. i left myself. my real self. a joyful happy go lucky smilling bastard. under the circumstances. hear the loud music blasting. the heart aches. and the problems arent fading away. it feels like summer again. the time i should be happy changed to the worst time of my life. these things get in my way. just like a storm. it feels like im about to lose my mind. and i dont have much inside. i try to be my real self but it is mixing with other emotions. i dont feel normal. and i have to stop lying to myself. but i dont wanna leave. summer changed me. for the good, for the worst. so do i still have to keep asking myself. that there is much more to life than this? i try to walk away but... it seems so hard. and no matter wat people say it just wont go through... u cant hurt a hurt person. it wont work. it never does. it feels so wrong. and where are you now..... u moved on. and now im gone. u wont go ever looking back and say i want you. tears are flowing. blood; drips. i dont noe. somehow the mood changes. and yea. i want you. but its so hard. everytime i tink of you. everywhere i look its u. i see you. so much i miss you. here i am and there u are. and the dreams. cry myself to sleep at night just the thought of you. the good times we had. i dont noe if u felt good... just dont forget it. i remember it just like yesterday. our lifes. so similar. i noe there is no more chance. i can never let you go. i cant bear to say goodbye. i close my eye and i see you. sounds fucking corny. cant hold back these tears. miss my one chance to say. and i feel like im at fault. these scars are the memories for the years to come. open wounds; broken hearts. i dont noe if u felt the same. somehow things can never be the same and i dont noe when it will heal. and somehow u change me how i tink. u saved me from my past. but when it ended it ended real bad. why cant i get u out of me. now i have conclusions and looking for the answers. i thot otherwise. these memories and things they are bringing me down. love can fade.... and yea it can break away and fuck it can be forgotten but it can not replaced. yours. so goodbye.

[[ i'll miss you ]]
[[ the pain control my every thot ]]
[[ i cant wait to see the day..... ]]

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

sports.
had rockclimbing yesterday. was super fun. at last got to let go of my enegry on some rocks. completed a few routes. a weak thin stick as u people like to call me. climbed and pushed myself. met new friends and one of them was a freaking spidey. they said it will take time for those who hadnt climbed for a long time to get their inner strength and upper body. so just have to train. i took atleast abt 3 mins to climb and spidey(firman) took only 1. that fucking kid. cant wait for the next session....

floorball.
i hope i wont suck at it. if im better at it than rockclimbing then i'll go ahead with floorball...

gigs.
skafest. who's going? tag.

hardcore emo gig.
on 18 and 25 of feb. be there bitches. ouhyar. fuck u all.

[[ skanking good time ]]
[[ laughing gases ]]
[[ the feeling never goes. ]]

Friday, January 20, 2006

a week of school.
school was okay. fun. great. got alot of friends. met alot of ex-coral. loads of project works and all. i got to go for floorball clinic. then jazz band. after that its percussion soul band. and then there's photography. i tink i have to quit a few... and if i dont feel good at something then i'll join rockclimbing....

testimonial.
hate it when i have to go back to coral a few times. the first day was when i had to take the testimonial but they werent ready. 2ndly was that they printed wrongly. and now i have to go back to change it. wtf.

[[ fuck it. im changing cca. ]]

Monday, January 16, 2006

school's
its gonna start tomorrow and my fucking pants is left over at the place cos im making it into a straight cut cut cut cut. so after tat i went to suntec for some shopping. and it was okay. found a good store. havent been sleeping. must be the fucking loads of mocha.

studio gigs.
met haqem axel and khai. surprise to see em. it was fun. they didnt mosh alot but the did at last. and i got bodysurfed. kewl. axel as well. the gig yesterday was the best fucking gig ever. met loads of pple whom i saw yesterdae. haha fuck me. got drunk! beer yesterdae tasted good. there was tis gal who got bodysurfed and in the mosh pit there were mostly guys and u can freaking count the gals. there were 4 and 2 were beside me. i was so fucking high i didnt noe they had fucking pussys cos they moshed like guys. then i had a had elbow to my ribs. i looked up wanting to elbow back and there were BOOBS! wtf rite? so i didnt. but they were fucking fuck good moshers. aniweas the gal who got body surfed was touched by other guys whom raging hormons were raging. fuck me im tired... thnks for the great time guys. i was dragged down to be there by pat. fuck u pat!

[[ gigs and moshing good time ]]
[[ fuck u all ]]
[[ and fuck beer! ]]

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

haircuts.
dont really fancy it though. although different haircuts makes me look different. now my hair is relie short and its kinda short. and short. very short. short short. the short of the shorties. short. its a shock. everything is. but it'll grow.

yesterday...
it was such a bad day. lost 3 of my things...

1. lip stud.
2. wrist guard( my wrist worn out after a full out drum session ) ( 1 minute 1199 strokes. ) highest record of 1573... going there. soon.... after my wrist heals.
3. my hair. my long hair. why am i so fucked up about my long hair.

went to mcdonalds for my dine so went to get my new stock of studs. have to change everyday. cant wait to put the ring on.... school's gonna start next week and friends from there all telling me wat to do and stuffs. so still stuck at these 4 cca's cut down 1.

so it:
rockclimbing
floorball
high jump
band.

either 2 of these. so pls help..

went home then everything was going smoothly. thot it was going fine. was cutting something and didnt intend on cutting anything else. actually i did but then cut my finger was kinda long cut. and it bled much. went to the toilet. didnt hurt. just bled. blood was free flowing. then my piercing was bleeding as much as the cut. everything was bleeding... yea. everything...

[[ something else... ]]
[[ blender. ]]
[[ goodbye ]]
[[ saw it before it began ]]
[[ took 1 small ........ ]]
[[ it may be over but i wont stop there ]]
[[ change my life and all my goals ]]
[[ i was blinded ]]
[[ broke my spirt. memory gone ]]
[[ i noe ur fears and u noe mine. ]]
[[ cant live without you ]]
[[ and i still cant move on ]]
[[ is there any medication? ]]

Saturday, January 07, 2006

never found a way.
its been ever since so long i have blogged. things are alwaes the same. never changed. this year has been a tough one for me. alot of things happen. they changed i changed.

last year's resolutions:

i forgot.

this year's resolutions:

try to cut down on smoking. and do more social smoking.*
dont lose focus on studies.*
spend less money than last year.
be a better percussionist.*
stop drinking too much.
be more decisive.
be less lazy
be early for everything. but if i dont then its not gonna be faliq.*
alot of people told me this. be less sad and be more faliq. guys. i'll try it. its not that i dont want to but there are situations preventing that.

and there are somethings i owe. just a person. u'll get it back.

the game illys sent me.

5 things weird about me.

i dont eat fast food veggies.
i say something out; out of the blue.
i never fail to surprise people. in a good or bad way.
i tend to forget things easily.
people tell me that i can convice them easily. i dont noe.. so there it is....

[[ things gone changed ]]
[[ u moved on. i have not. so be it. ]]
[[ thnks for caring. but i didnt need it.. ]]