Tuesday, December 27, 2005
sorry guys. just dont feel like blogging. and thnks to those for the congrats. thnks alot. and to those who wanna meet. better make it quick...[[ thnks ]]
[[ meetups? ]]
Friday, December 23, 2005
school's gonna startits gonna be 10 days till school starts. i dont noe when ite starts but its gonna be later then normal school... hope i get the subs i want. if not then im gonna take mdm or mecha. wan is thinking of shatec of lassell which i wanted to go but i wasnt the fuck supporting myself. yati went to take her results i went wit warren. wished i could see the fucked up class for the last time. no worrys. call u guys up for shahirah bday party... how many of u are going to simei?
werk.
gonna stop werk. continue wit it is totally fucked up. warren quited.. salutes to u man. now im a permanent at www. fuck mans. aniweas gonna see that motherfucker soon. at 5 then shop for chirstmas present. gonna get myself a swatch. ipodvid. and 2 converse shoes. 1 shud be black leather. aww. leather... shud splurge after all those fucked up hard work...
sleepyhead.
yesterday met up wit khalis and ken. the double k. after work. was playing soccer. and its been long. veery long. since i played soccer. played for an 1. then they sat and talked. i fell asleep while both of them were talking... i mean i didnt sleep. again. went to werk at 9. finish my full shift. then played soccer. then i slept. on the bench. while they were talking. when i open my eyes they were staring at me. fuck. then ken had to go home and i fell asleep again. tis time my fone rang and it was warren. then 2 guys in blue came. it was the police. check and finish they were off.
[[ excess blood. ]]
[[ great sins of marriliush ]]
[[ crush it. broke it. tore it. and kept it under ur bed ]]
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
taking the cert.i was scared. so was khalis. and saiful too. we were all scared. thot we failed. thot we did badly... then saiful msged and told me i had done quite well. i was jumping at the central food court. was so fucking happy. after all these months. all these studies didnt went down the drain. those times at the cafe. and during those hard times... kinda feeling great just for today. then tmr gonna feel shitty again.
but to those who failed; do better...
felt sad. for everything. even the bird that was run over. kinda nice but sad. aniwaes celebrated after that by going to the library to read the theme song newyork, newyork percussion scores. i imagined it sounded well. then went home.
promised alwani i would go to the movies wit her. see u tmr.......
i would like to take this time to thank those who help, encouraged, supported and gave words of wisdoms. thank you all. did that sounded like a fucking award? aniwaes thnks guys.
afiqah. GEEK
illys. smellymelly. illsa.
yati. lost star.
wardah. crazed.
sabblicious.
marc.
fazdy.
ery
kelson
eil
actually i wanna name the whole list but im kinda tired just finished werk from 9 till it closed... so to those who wished me luck i love u all. thnks.
if ur name wasnt here pls tag.
if ur name was here pls tag.
if u help or [blahs]3 pls tag.
nadsy. sorry i couldnt help u wit ur mp3. u were asleep! darn u...
[[ thnks u all. ]]
[[ didnt noe i would get it.. amazed. ]]
[[ like i said. everywhere i'd go i would see u u ]]
Monday, December 19, 2005
gig.went to the gig at subC which was super fucking mosh wit the punks. went wit my friends. reached there bought tickets. went in. surprised. saw many of my other friends. talked outside. they were drinking. of cos after moshing u'll get hurt. damn hurt. elbowed in the ribs and stuffs.
after gigs.
chilled at the park wit some punks. when home then khalis called at about 2+ thnks. went to his house for some mini-party. it was only the 3 of us. him me and saiful. played some music. the guitar. my drumpad. then computer all the way. after that started some fights. which was funny. me and khalis were pillow fighting. then i slammed him in the ribs which then saiful got out of the way. he had tis metal bar in his hands. he was twriling it and then the bar hit his head. which we all luff like hell. then he acted like he wanted to slam us but his head knocked onto the double bed of khalis which he then fell down to the floor. which we luff harder. which he then tried to slam again but hit his head harder on the same place. which i luff tis my stomach hurts so much i fell to. fuck him. it was so funny. fucks fucks fucks.
then went surfing on the net again. i was sleeping for awhile. so tired....
after our goodbyes had my breakfast wit khalis at 5. eat some chicken rice and then fled home. saw zul on the way. he just fucked a woman. big banging....
tommorow its gonna be n'level taking day. think could cut the tension wit a knife. gonna go to cafe galilee where we all used to study for the n's.. after that some shopping.. poor fuckedup saiful spoiled his black converse wit bleach. wat a thing. so i tink he's gonna get a converse tmr if not im gonna get it and 2 black pants. and jeans. mayb a shirt or 2.
kudos to orkestra melayu singapura (BELIA) for their great performance yesterday. loves the gamelan ( Ga Meh Lan ) nice. kudos to you all.
good luck for all the motherfucks who are gonna take their n'level tmr. good lucks.
[[ i dont need this. ]]
[[ ooh ooh somebody's hurt and i think its me. ]]
[[ go to fuck with your fucking life. stop pretending. stop talking. just go. ]]
Saturday, December 17, 2005
no more sleep.i feel like shits. didnt sleep for i tink 2 daes. and i dont tink im gonna get any sleep todae. conference here and there. meeting new people... well most of underground. werk was kinda super shitty... when are we gonna meet.
double paddle was super great. the beat was nice. fucks shits i want it. it was like playing a single stroke on a snare. but i did have flaws and have alot of things to work on.
things:
snaring.
solo
beat
songs.
gonna go to a malay playing ochestra later at an old airfield where me faizal and wan played nike football once. somewhere near there. heard the percussion rocks. funny. aniwaes be back late. so u guys msg me if u got anithing.
thnks to warren for his words of wisdom.
thnks to you all for complimenting my weird hair-do. which wasnt weird a single bit.
[[ pain that's felt inside ]]
[[ eyes burning out. ]]
[[ suffered enough ]]
Thursday, December 15, 2005
since long.its been long eversince i'hv blogged. werk and werk and werk. its kinda sad. aniwaes its alwaes sad. pple wanting to look literally punkrock. mixing PUNK wit PUNKROCK. buying a sidezip. wat the hell were u thinking... try wearing that to a gig. and we see wat happens. cant wait.
todae was fucking hectic.
saiful jump into the train b4 it was closing. salute. went shopping wit them. tmr i wanna get my fucking converse. and some pants for the upcoming gig. cant wait. going wit khalis. maybe. maybe saiful. gonna fucking mosh till i bleed. ah. cant wait. hope its gonna be soon. went shopping wit my staff. haks. played bowling and pool. kinda fun. but thens.
im gonna be straight forward.
y is it so hard to move on. its been so long but i cant. just cant. and now its getting harder. i dont understand. its stuck. im stuck. its been so long... i just cant understand.
wat i got after pay.
purple stripe shirt
converse shoes.(gonna get 1 more)
vic-firth 7A american hickory(at fucking last)
coming soon.
converse shoes
more shirts and jeans.
coming later.
digital camera.
drumset.
[[ stuck in time and confusion. ]]
[[ everywhere i turn i see you. ]]
[[ i never thot it would happen. ]]
Sunday, December 11, 2005
something for the odd.raining is good. love it. aniwaes werk was shitty as usually. had a great time yesterday. todae was kinda day dreaming. khalis was a beach junkie. he was living it for a day. haks. SALUTE. after werk went to meet warren and his gal. had dinner. and then went back to downtown for some bowling. sits at the parks then went home. kinda bored. cos they could meet. ishs.
wanks.
stop trying to act like as if u're gothic. damn it. u and ur apparel. u dont have freaking knowledge. stop buying those stuffs. get ur freaking knowlegde of the freaking culture. and the first thing abt cultures. it is not a fashion statement. god wats wit u all? emogothic? wat the fuck. u're never emo. yet u're acting like it. be urself for god sakes. dont tell the whole world u are. stop saying it. and the fuck i dont see u at gigs. ever. but if thats wat you want it to be then forget wat i said. just dont let me see u. and dont ever come to me...
friends
guys. when are we gonna meet? we all promised that we are gonna meet 1 of these days. hope we do..
[[ visions are blurr. ]]
[[ cry for you ]]
[[ listen to it. ]]Saturday, December 10, 2005
stripes.didnt go to werk todae.*(long story) at abt 6 went to sakura. first got my skyblue shirt on. then i had to change so went to the toilet. forgot to withdraw money for the movie. then i went to the mrt station... ate at sakura and waiting for them to knock off. which was abt 10pm. they changed into their stripes and we headed to tampines.
had a freaking hard time choosing the movie. its either chicken little or harry potter. we actually wanted to watch emily rose or saw II. but the others cant go home late so we ended up watching harry potter. still they complained that the freaking movie was too long and should have instead watched chicken little. shud have.. mayB...
during the movie we were super noise wit our food. then joked. but overall it was okay. werk. heks. had to go home early. tt was the boring part.
here were some of the stupid things we did b4 the movie started:
after the long long long long stupid starting and stupid ending:
[[ long and short ]]
[[ before and after. ]]
[[ green white and purple ]]Friday, December 09, 2005
went shops.shopping wit khalis and saiful. kinda fun. bought a nice shirt. and tts all. wtf.. didnt had much time. gonna watch movie after tat. kinda sad to talk to much todae. so i'll continue to listen to my music....
[[ all i have ]]
[[ holding secrets. ]]
Monday, December 05, 2005
yesterdaywent wit saiful and ken to town. saiful wanted to get a shirt and i brought loads of cash. we headed to tangs. on the way there; a kid wit drumsets. and the first thing that came to mind was a kid that plays drums which i have heard abt. and greatshitofwisdom he was fucking good. he was like a mini mikeportnoy( 1 great drummer ) and i relie have to say he was better than me. god i have alot to learn. seriously. so we watched him play. i looked in amazment. he was fucking fucking fucking good. i cant believe him. he played loads of song. then tis lil kid which i assumed is his bro. he wanted to sit on the drums and damn rite he could play. its was kewl. then we had a chat wit the father and ethan ong ( the kiddo drummer ) which was a total cutie. he was kewl. he has my salute. he just learned his triplets yesterday and started using it todae. something like that u get the idea. if only he learned his paradilies. L-R-L-L R-L-R-R. he would be awesome.
says goodbye.
headed to tangs
saiful bought an original nike. and i bought a converse again. im gonna get more.. the 1 i bought was dark brown. im gonna get those new "skins". looks nice. just waiting for my pay. still long. then we ate at sakura. saw athena and fid. my gig going friends. they were eating wit family. so then athena( loves how her name sounds ) ( greek goddess of wisdom ) came and asked if we wanted to go to esplanade for some fun. then. we all went our own ways for some window shopping. then farhana msged and asked to meet at the mrt station when she could have said that we could have met at the fucking mac. shitsheads! cos they were there. met them and seems like athena was in tears. were? dont noe wat happen. think they fought. then headed to esplanade i talked to athena. she was almost my height. my age. kinda fun to talk to some1 face to face without the hassle of looking up or down. for awhile there. aniwes she sounded okay. i tink she's been keeping something inside. dont wanna be a part of tis. then they got on the bus. sat together suddenly fid went to sit at the back. then blahs and after many blahs they're okay and during that time they were talking i was listening to music and looking at the stars. all nite. then fid and athena came back and they were okay. as i said. go go emo rangers. hak! nice 1 athena. cos my msg ring tone is the powerrangers theme song. go go emo rangers. go go emo rangers mighty morphin emo rangers... she was singing that all dae. kapoww. then we had to say our goodbyes cos fid stays at yishun and she stays at woodlands while me ken fahana and her friend took to tampines. got off and rushed to the movie theather. and everything was closed. then we watched harry potter. go figure.
went home straight.
gonna watch drumline over at saiful's.
[[ rangers ]]
[[ ethan ong singapore's youngest busker ]]
[[ triplets and paradillies ]]
Sunday, December 04, 2005
trust.i dont trust anione easily. in fear of being backstabbed and shits. seems like my words healed my friends. i didnt noe. i wish my words could heal myself.
came to werk at 0930. tired. stood up all dae. fcuks. then after werk met saiful played bowling. saw shareza. talktalktalk then after that went for supper. there was tis gal who looked weird and kept looking at either me or saiful. it was kinda scary. she stared as if we ever did something to her. then she smiled. weird. super weird.
tmr.
gonna go shopping.(fyi havent got my pay yet so dont ask for treats) wit saiful. then meet khalis at tamp for some emily rose show. kinda tired. sweet dreams lovely.
[[ if werds could heal. if looks could kill ]]
[[ whether to survive ]]
[[ trust. ]]
Friday, December 02, 2005
yesterdae was just full of pain. it controlled my thots. so i guess u saw me. u smile at me. but u looked different. u looked thinner. u looked taller. but that face i cant never forget. even we met and talked for a short moment. u looked so different. u seemed like u knew me. u do. not me. i forgot who u were. but it was familar. blood rushed thru my head. i hope u didnt tell. maybe it was just something between u and me. maybe u still had that special feelings for me. but the time was awkward. she told me. on that day i wasnt sure who i was suppose to have seen. u or her. i couldnt have done anithing. i was wondering where the other 1 was. deep down inside memories began to the words she said... u werent there. i dont noe if u noe things that happened. life's been on the rocks. this is how it has alwaes been. i relie cant believe things i have saw. when i got up. u walked away.and it was different. all of this. wat was it suppose to say. wat was the meaning. maybe u were right. maybe i shud i gone. but i didnt. and still i dont want to move on. let me be. the quench of thirst of love u crave. the things u said. makes me go around. makes me fall. and fall again. but those moments wit u. were u just playing with me? the times we had. i think u forgot. stop try to take it all away from me. dont feel regret. u wanna be like that. go ahead. its you. not me. someday it'll get up to u. and ur cries will end up in vain. never will i hear. never will i fall into the deep dark hole. because of you i ended up like this. because of you. because of you. the pain that runs thru my vains. u dont noe how i feel. u dont noe how hurt i felt. when u said that. u dont noe a thing abt hurt. while its fun to get others hurt. wats wit you. i dont understand. y do i keep falling. why cant u just the fuck keep out of my way. the more i think the more i wish someone will just kill me and rid me of the feeling that is alike being stab in the heart.
i dont tink i can face it again. it'll be long enuff before i can face it again. u do noe how it feels to be torn apart? do u noe how it feels to be alone? im thankful for the friends i have that cared. the feeling just wont stop. i feel out of control. dont ever speak my name. the wounds never heal wit time. i dont noe y. just get away. it was the only way to be.
it crossed out. the hopes have became doubts... see how things go.
[[ these feelings ]]
[[ these hopes ]]
[[ these blood ]]
shits.
forgot my fucking password on friendster. fuckings shits. fuck. hate it . fuckings fucks. now i cant log in. fucks. so fucking fucked up.
todae ate wit my staffs. haslam and bad. it was okay....
warren is a big mother fucks. thnks for watching emily rose without me! hip hip! hurray!
they went for holidays.
wan: aussie.(soccer tournament)
marc: thailand.( home econ learns)
faizal: kuala lumpur.( holiday)
me: stuck in s'pore.(work)
got to get a fucking vacation.
guys cant wait to meet tis sat and sun. i hope i can.
lungs aching when i breath. is there something wrong wit me? i feel cold. my heart feels sicks. it hurts when i speak. this is not wat i care for.
[[ no looking back the past will stay. ]]
[[ move on i cant. ]]
[[ fading away. ]]
