Friday, September 30, 2005
last dae of school.i woke up feeling lost. i knew something great has ended. and i was late. i knew todae was the last dae i cud be late. i wanted to be early. i wanted to wake up at 5.30am but i slept at abt 2+ just resting my brains by playing a whole load of craps. i was late for the last time. and for the last time i wasnt being scolded. they wont dare too.
todae was the last dae of lesson. and teachers wouldnt teach us anymore. we will only see them walking around the hall. checking... tts all. cant wait to leave. but missing the things that we had. all of it. as i had mother tounge we were taking pics for memories. and for that teacher ms siti. she complimented shines and mines werk. cos its for the graduating classes thing... took photos of every1. didnt miss out ani1. every1... gonna miss those guys and gals. we were taking pics during every subject wit every subject teacher. MT didnt though. then had english. taken wit whole class and mslow. then it was maths. it was hard. cos mr.sundram showed us pics. that were very meaningfull. tears formed. not in mine but in shine. and yati. they cant take it. i was sad. but i didnt cry... then it was recess. warren and i decided to do a slide show abt the whole class. taken during the past week. the last week of coral life. aniwaes the school has weird rules.
we did a slide show of us during P.E, english. some videos. and some things that we did yesterdae when we went out studying. it was fun.. every 1 was happy laughing. its was great. and it wont be the last. cos we all are planning to go to sentosa for lots of time. they're gonna celebrate my bday and then we gonna have a BBQ pit and visit 1 of our teachers wedding... so we'll still meet up. see u guys... soon.
here is for u guys.
I can't remember the day we met
that special day,my mind was a blank
A year went past,
and so did a second
The third,
things changed and we talk more than before.
Jokes and pranks we had
that was life at its' best
you came back for a while and we went out
the time we spent,i cannot deny
the fun we had,are but memories for now
My dear friend, fate has been cruel
It took away my friends
you were left and it took you nonetheless
this night, i sit and stare
To God i pray for you He will care
I ask that you think of me sometimes
A friend like you,i hope i don't forget
when you feel sad,
the other end of the earth i stand
you my friend, will surely be missed,
for God knows when we will ever meet .................
i can never be late again......
the class of 4t1(2005)
clever students. wit teachers.
[[ goodbye and goodluck ]]
[[ see u all somewhere. ]]
Thursday, September 29, 2005
it was 1.30 when we were dismissed...was asking every1 to meet as soon as possible. at mrt station at 2:30pm. then i was on the wae... reached white sands and saw diyana rite infront of me. then kah chai and aisha came.. we chilled outside of mac waiting for shine and warren to come too. chatted for awhile and then suddenly from nowhere they rose. warren was wearing very different and shine was wit an amry green shirt.. nicey u all. then we went up .. suddenly kah chai remember abt rahim.. went to look for him couldnt find. so we went off. at the train we were so quiet. whispering to each other. then the jokes started. me and warren we the jesters. making fun of everything... took the train to airport. the carrage belonged to us... only us. pple moved away.. cos we were super making ourself... reached BK and studied till we got tired. kah chai was going overdrive... even when we were going home. hope ur sis gets well ya. so after studying we were making videos of ourselves.. quite fun! was luffing like i never did. and shine was in pain luffing... every1 was. so we took loads of pic. mondae gonna be fun.
n's are gonna be next week and tmr is the offical last dae at skool and after all tis it will be exams all thru. and will never be seeing those classmates of 4t1... we're like a family and its hard to part. but i hope we might go to the same ite or something.... tmr will be photo taking session in our class....
gonna miss.
* (nerds) *ladies.
qiao er ( cleverest gal in maths )
chai hong ( the most mystreous gal)
daphne ( the loud mouth )
felica ( the late comeer ) * my late coming buddy
*(nerds)* guys.
xiu yong ( the big headed )
lu long ( weird boy who's mind is just like an apek. im not lying.)
chye poh ( the most hated kid in our class )
sam ( the more that u noe guy)
*(malay guys)*
rahim ( the dark footballer who tinks he's fair)
aslan ( the gangster )
ridhwan (quiet, very quiet)
*(brotherhood of the dragons)*
warren ( my jester buddy) * we're the jokers of the class
jun jie (xiao kia)
you chuan (chilling dude)
jia qing (sleepy dude) everydae....
*( frewnzie stars )*
yati ( the tough gal )
shikin ( she tinks she's a mermaid )
aisha ( the singer )
anisa ( the loudest mouth who sounds like a guy )
* the pianonians *
kah chai - the superfical of the class
shinning - the organiser of the class.
and me. - the joker. and used to be warmaker. now a peacemaker.
there's more but i cant remember....
***** teachers ******
mr. sundram - maths. kinda fun SOMETIMES. having him as a teacher.
ms. low - english. she's okay. but weird at times....
ms tham - EOA. she's fun once u get to noe her. the last lesson of eoa was very fun.... greatly fun
ms leong - CPA. i tink she can be fun but she lost her "groovyness to her pHd. " head damage
cikgu wani - MT. super boring. can be fun but dont want to. anti the guys of 4t1.
ms chinese teacher who teaches 4t1 - todae stayed at her lesson. get to noe her well. she's fun. great.
mr. ben quek - P.E. fun if he noes u and u noe him well.... better than mr. seetoh.
mr. lee - P.E. super fun. can treat him like a brother...
mr. david - CME. fun. teaches us things without using books.
[[ cant wait for the other daes ]]
[[ laugh like i never did ]]
[[ gonna miss u guys ]]
[[ thnks guys for todae. ]] super fun!
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
maths.todae for maths was nice. i was with kah chai doing maths. the crazy dude was doing o'level maths. im glad i could do 1. just 1. glad. then shining came and qiao er. we talked abt sums and agreed to have a group studie. so u guys better be there. ouh yar... bring a jacket. so tmr.
josh.
josh was talking abt drums all the wae. kinda fun. at least i got to forget the things i have. drums. u have to noe the history. and josh told me everything he knew. thnks dude.
dali.
he's converted to a hardcore rockhead. listening to iron maiden, metallica and slipknot. and loads more. exchanging songs. so rock on dude.
n's
they're coming. after that im leaving. that school. those memories. sad and happy. got class pic.... . just met him. going to aus to play soccer for his skool. hope u win dude.
[[ ns' ]]
[[ bye skool ]]
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
P.Elast day of P.E is Over. shinning took some pics of us. the whole class... waiting for her to be online. cant believe that its over. well there is gonna be P.E. somewhere.... relie enjoyed the last dae of P.E... hope to see them again. wont be teaching floorball cos mr.ben dont agree cos of some shit. so wont come back as often...
move along? its so hard. just cant
EOA
was so fun planning the BBQ pit during eoa. was actually studying and doing eoa. and the answers were correct. nice... cant wait. 10 november still a long time. plan ahead. planned my life when i was sec 2. but things take a turn and i have to be prepared for it. so its like that.
exams.
they are just next week. wow. so near. the final hurdle i have to jump. nah not the final. im still hoping that i can do my o'levels and mayB diploma or something. just hope. sanhes. school of milltary.
prom.
shud i go? wat shud i wear? nings
[[ BBQ ]]
[[ goodbye PE ]]
[[ exams. ]]
[[ prom nite. ]]
Monday, September 26, 2005
so sick..been having fever for the past 3 daes... but still could play P.E... im crazy... i tink i shud chill for tommorrow. i got pe. but i tink i shud not play... to hell i must. cant avoid sports.... felt so weird.. so hyperactive.. all i got to keep is strong... mr.ben saes that we all cant play floorball for the school cos we all are overage. heh. dont mind. i noe at ite simei that will be some more tournaments.
cpa.
during cpa i was feeling so crazy. i fucked the teacher. and made loads of noise... so much. and i tink i infected my area. sam felica and lina. amazingly lina. so wild. got well for cpa. still not happy wit my marks. i noe i can do better....
tution later. so fun.. people are painting the house. for hari raya... and i feel so hot. got headache writing tis. hope i get well soon. n'levels are just next week. gonna do my best. the problem wit me is i dont specify my answers. tts y i got stupid mistakes. if not i cud have got full marks. tts wat ms.low(english), mr.sundram(maths), ms. leong(cpa) and ms tham(eoa) said to me...gotta explain more... if only they cud mind read..
[[ sicks. ]]
[[ no floorball... ]]
[[ the sky is falling! ]]
Sunday, September 25, 2005
shits....dont noe wat happen to me... wat izzit.... i just diss the whole "friends" i have... and i didnt noe... damn.. its not me. y did i the fuck do that? well.. its like that. shud sae sorry.... must be blaming every1 for my mistakes? hmm... yati and warren care alot. it seems so. im not my fuckingself. i dont noe where i went wrong... well seems that i have to ask for forgiveness. and to stop puffing.
BBQ pit..
10 bucks... ok then... 10 bucks it is... and no acohol or cig's....
[[ where the fuck did i went wrong? ]]
[[ better get away from me b4 i fuck u off and i dont even noe it. ]]
[[ just get away ]]
Saturday, September 24, 2005
early morning.went to watched movie under the void deck wit marc and faizal. watched final destination 2. didnt noe i watched it but during the last part i remembered i did. so its weird. studied wit marc at the library b4 the movie. had our supper at central... chicken rice and ice kachang. made me sick in the late morning. cant wake up. finally did at 3. super fever. thot it was dengue. wouldnt it be great? studing at the hospital and if i get lucky i might see a hot sexy dead nurse. nah. mayB a dead nurse. or some ghost... or visit the morgue. seeing those dead pple makes me feel kinda weird.
cos i'll feel like as if im dead. wateva. to life to death. to everything. fuck it all. fuck tis world. fuck everything we stand for. dont ever touch me! fuck all!...
headbang..
all i wanna do in my free time is headbanging. listening to heavy music. to forget my shits. feel weird then fucking vomit. i dont care. im headbanging rite now... still i will listen to serenaide and pinholes. cant miss them.
life.
life still aint gonna give me a chance. for everything. making me afraid. im not. to hell wit it. i'll just live my own. being a loner aint bad. cos u dont get a chance to hurt pple or urself, and u wont get to hate or hated, u dont have to do or help others. im getting sick of it. i just relie wanna live my own. loner wateva.. just dont trust any1. still trust wan marc and faizal. bet my life on em.... DTA.... doing some stuff. gotta settle things. then studie. alone. wit or witout u all. dont care.... knowing people was a mistake. certain people. makes me feel stupid. makes me wanna die. makes me wanna cry. makes me suffer. makes my life difficult as it already is. just watch out. when i go crazy its u i find. im not my fucking self.
[[ not my fuking self ]]
[[ dont bother me ]]
[[ fuck everthing ]]
[[ headbanging till i vomit ]]
Friday, September 23, 2005
so tired. so lazy to go studie.mayB later i'll studie... at home. cos no motherfucking soul is here. yea... study wit my mp3 with has about 6000 MB, it can play movies, surf the net and can install games. its a goddamn computer! studying infront of the computer. beats the library. and i have free good and better food here. and i can just chill around... extra comfort... after studying... gonna look for some things.... shoes. shirts and some other stuffs. need someone to follow! kah chai! wat does he noes abt fashion... hmmm. i dont noe... gonna get the nano 4GB... when izzit gonna come to singapore?? i'll just wait. who noes i might get something else...
prom.
going. wat to wear? every guy has to wear a suit. so i dont noe wat design and colour i shud take. ani suggestions? retro colours? or white blazor and black tie? or just plain black. or plain white. mayB pink. nah. too much. ani1 out there who has better suggestions than mine?
anonymous...
still wondering who u are. and how u noe me. u said u knew me too well. i dont noe wat does that mean. u seem to be caring.. giving me advices. who are u? im still wondering. do i noe u well? wat happen? did i do something to u? or vice versa... tag.
[[ nano ]]
[[ prom ]]
[[ anonymous. who are u.? ]]
Thursday, September 22, 2005
came back. was raining. going to studie later. just finished skool.got my eoa paper. they all say i'hv done well. those who did better than me. i just think that i have not done better enough. in maths. eoa. cpa. english. i dont care abt MT. still i wanna do better. better in my class. better than the some1 who's from another skool. i just wanna do the best i can. and i alwaes have stupid mistake.
father.
he saes he's okay. im glad to hear that. just heart burn. just thot i was gonna lose him. im glad that didnt happen.
still i have to pass all my subs. and do well. they dont mind if i dont do well. as long as i dont fail.. but to me thats not an achivement. i want high marks. i want that. to get that i mustn be careless. mayB i was too sad to do my prelims. but i have to do my n'levels realie well. i cant miss the chance. i wanna do relie well. i keep telling myself that... i must.
skool.
the only "black" boy that came. was fun. got to interact more wit the others. talking to xiu yong and sam was great. they are just like us. and was invited to their game challange. they wanna challange me to a game of war. C&C generals. thnks guys. i'll be coming. rest assured.
life.
still sad. sometimes happy. wit them. the friends. those pple.. just with any1 i tend to forget my probs. its good but its still there. cant just run. but i cant solve it too. dont make sense. but... i dont noe. todae im fine. just quite. thot abt things. and maths. most of it is maths. tts all.... leaving. it. just. dont. seem. right.
library.
studied alone. from 2 till 6.. did loads of cpa and maths. i feel asleep. i was drooling all over my cpa sheet. damn. then khalis and saiful came. i thot some guys were taking me away. cos i thot i was still dreaming. i was so tired. i slept and woke back up then slept. i thot i saw faiz. and illys. but again i thot i was sleeping. then stuffs happen. made pple laugh like as if they nvr. i was shocked. i luff too. missing the long hair. my hair's so short. pple like it. they sae i look young. some said y did u cut it so short! its like as if they feel the thing that i cut my hair. nvm its growing. when we come for floorball training u all shall see the hair longer! i hope so... aniwes my life still sucks. just living thru hell. before i go there. so its like a practical b4 the real thing...
[[ goodbye ]]
[[ xiuyong and sam ]]
[[ gotta studie ]]
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
todae at skool was strange. went there feeling sad. wanted to noe wat will i get for maths. i know i failed. i just know. sometimes wit friends they make me happy. then i'll be sad.. is it so obvious? i dont noe.i passed my english. but somehow i noe its not enuff. i know someone in singapore in another skool in the technical stream has done better than me. someone. and i wanna be that someone. in english. cpa. eoa. and i just want to pass my maths. i wanna be the best. but its so hard. i cant explain wat happen to me. i did alot of careless mistakes. i got shitty marks. lower than expected. compesion. i could have passed. but i came to the hall knowing that i'll fail. just like that... but looking at it again. i could have passed. i dont wanna let those people down.
i looked at it again. and i can do it. wat izzit wit me? i dont get it. still i have to pass. getting 50 marks for maths... it isnt a miracle. i just dont noe. i can do it but i get it wrong. i noe the formulae. i can teach friends. they think im good in maths. but i suck... in the end those whom i have taught has done better than me. they saw my marks. they said i lack of practice. i practice everydae. its just 10 more daes to the real exams. prelims are of course harder. i have to do my cpa too. y didnt we have science. god... i dont get it... i just dont want to let those people down. i have to try harder. i have too... it means life and death to me. they have high expectations. i noe how tt feels when u dont get wat other tinks u're suppose. they get shocked. i have to pass. its n'levels. i gotta pass... if i dont... i wanna go slit deeper. no 1 can stop. if i fail. i..
[[ failed. ]]
[[ have to pass ]]
[[ have to try harder. ]]
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
hey... studying wit u guys is okay. didnt studie though. aniwaes if u all wanna come; find me at library. as alwaes. its my 2nd home. and mocha my 2nd drink.got news that i passed got distintion for english and eoa... i used to fail cos i got big headed. and rite now im deleting the feeling. dont wanna get it. just wanna pass my n's wit flying colours...
i dont noe whether my dad's serious or he's just joking. but he said to me he wanted to send me to a military school overseas. and come back to serve my ns as someone respected. i respect his decision if he's serious. i dont mind making his dream come true. somehow he's been so nice and being a father. i dont noe. it seems strange. when there's darkness. a light shines. and he wants me to take my o's overseas. mayB in s'pore.. again i dont noe if he's serious. he does seem. who noes i might be going to ite then do those things. or... i dont noe... things have been hard. and lately he seems sick. i tink somehow he's gonna go. i dont want that to happen when im doing my n's... i mean its part of life and i have to accept it. but i dont tink i can accept things like this. i just cant. its just me. im a positive person. but things like tis make me down. just hope he doesnt leave as soon as he's suppose to. if not. i'll never be myself. just thinking of it is difficult. gotta pass my n'levels.. i'll try to get A1 for everything. for him. for mom. for sisters. and the bro. easier said. the whole family. and some friends. some its all for u...
[[ when the skys falling. im studying. ]]
[[ tears for everything. ]]
[[ tis is life. ]]
[[ flying colours. ]]
woke. fresh up. computer.
it seems like a circle. its all i do. came home after sitting at pasir ris park. just tinking abt things. cant explain y. dont ask. went home.. stink of cigarettes. and bro wasnt home. whew... then my sis boyfriend came.. to help carry some things i offered to come along. aniwaes bro asked to buy some notebook shit for his RP(regimetal police) so went to tampinies to return some stuffs and went to sheng song. its been long since i'hv been there.
kinda fun place. for me. its quite a change from NTUC. first of all. things there are cheap. and u can find food stuffs when u need it. there were buying some chocs. and i went away. saw vodka. i was looking at it. and it was looking at me. shud i ask some1 to buy it for me? so i can drink? then i told myself. no acohol is gonna go into my body. but still wanted to buy it. vodka. but i'll reconsider. then saw starbucks mocha. and mint mocha. bought mint. nice. and ur mouth doesnt stink!. all the time if u drink coffee ur mouth will have the stench of coffee... from frappe to ice-blended coffee's. then went to see wat type of frozen food they have. and its kinda nice. i wanna look for some powder. for frying. it was like a cooking paradise for me. and junk too. im a food junkie. i love food N junk food. so u can see me eating alot! but still thin as i m. i tink its a disease or something. saw some tempura flour and chicken crips. but breaded seems nice. done it once b4. it was okay. then finished shopping went to central. bought chicken rice. todae i tink its chicken dae. everything i ate has chicken. chicka!
home. then gave bro his shit. didnt even sae thank u. asshole!.... then was so tired. watch Incrideble tales. it was kinda motherly love. utt said the power of motherly love is strong or something. a mother lift up a bus to save the child was true. it was on news.. i tink the mother had to much kryptonite. or something. but lifting the bus. wow. tons. amazed.
after that had my medicine. just the cough syrup. i tink i overdose the syrup... cough syrup sometimes makes u sleep and sometimes makes u wake up. i tink i overdosed alot. then lay on the bed. wake up and it was morning. wow! imagine just laying on the bed. fell asleep then suddenly u open ur eyes u see the freaking sun shining hurting ur eyes. i tink i told my mom not to get wake me up. cos sometimes she does when i dont tell her. cos the hp sometimes wont wake me up. but most of the time it does. feeling my mom cold hands touching my face will make me jump. seriously... rite here im. i tink im gonna studie at the library. at 12... till 4 or something.
[[ sheng song. ]]
[[ vodka ]]
[[ mother love. ]]
[[ overdose. not good. ]]
[[ mocha ]]
Monday, September 19, 2005
a sigh of relieve..whew... just finished my maths test. gladly. just hope i passed. a few fucking questions i didnt do. arggh. i just noe i can do it... so easy yet so hard... dont noe... just hope i pass my n's... gonna studie todae. wit diyana. mayB alone. so D better call me.
the bro.
bro finished BMT(basic military training) and has been posted to regimental police. kinda boring. cos he does office hours. back till 5. tsk. aniwaes we are kinda getting better. dont miss him when he's here but dont like it when he's back. aniwaes he bought me an army cap. and dad asked to give me a NS jacket. its amry appreal for me now. i live the jack... kinda nice. camo. he wanted to cammo my face wit the flat green flat black cream... but he's afraid it cant be washed. if not my face would be army green... mayB soon. . . .
the teach.
met josh yesterdae. kinda fun. didnt noe wat to do. finished studying. so bored. no 1 was at home. all of em went to xpo and they got a family feast. i didnt wanna go. so called josh... josh had done alot for me. thnks dude!... jamming on tuesdae.. an dont noe go where. see ya then.
reciprocal. nice word.
missing the drums... my sis saw me banging on my "air drums" while the pad became my snare... need to learn my paradiddles... josh need u again! so bored. gonna play C&C. mayB sims...
ouh yar if i dont reply ur msgs. its not that i dont want. but my msgs has risen up to 543.. and i have only 500 msgs free. sorrie guys. thats how far i can go. i can call though. so just msg and i'll call if i have too. same for msn. if i dont reply im playing my games. game freak. spoiling my eyes. how to be marksman like this.
[[ the drums i missed ]]
[[ reciprocal ]]
[[ exams are over. but the big 1 is still yet to come. ]]
[[ come soon ]]
[[ won the war. battle havent started yet. ]]
Sunday, September 18, 2005
woah!talked to fadzy from 10 till 5.... 0430 was whose line is it anyway break. was kinda funny. the Ho-down.... talked abt alot of things. from percussions to skool. alot of things. then i was hungry so i wanted to cook maggi. and fadzy went to watch tv as usual. i was too tired to cook the steak i marinated. was delicious. didnt care if it was 4am if i wanted to cook but i was too tired. aniwaes maggi was simple. took out chilli's and egg. wit some hot dogs. put all in but forgot the egg. cos i had turn off the fire and maggi was in the bowl. so wat the hell. cracked and put it in the maggi... im known for things like this. surprisingly. it taste better. once, i was so bored i decided to squeeze lime on my maggi. and the taste was hmmmmmm.... yummy. learn to xperiment. kinda nice...
the month of fasting.
its coming. soon. and its gonna be during my n's... hope i can survive. to survive fasting. i tink i'll take out my xbox. its been long. and dust. tsk. hate it. still need the computer... C&C... i wanna get more games. but my bro wont allow. now he seems to prefer violence more than sims. and stuffs.
[[ fadzy talking ]]
[[ exams... ]]
percussions.
womad. i wanna go... dont noe. exams... shud i? i mean mayB if i have a paper... after that...
things i wanna do before n'levels and leave school.
studie.
suck up
piss mdm lina off
piss ms siti
steal the coral flag/logo or something wit coral.
damage the classroom and spit and the classdoor. we do that every year. its a custom.
things i wanna do after n'levels.
catch on games.
buy new games for xbox.
get a suit done.
get up on fitness
refurnish room
jam wit the band.
buy loads of music cd's
wont wanna go for a hair cut.
pierce my tounge and three side of my lips.
take a picture of pure suicidal scene. real.
work. for ipod nano*. for pearl drumset. for camera*. for laptop.
enjoy a meal wit friends after first paycheck. YES! those whom i told.
*important
[[ the shits i wanna do ]]
[[ they're trying to let me down. ]]
[[ too bad it wont happen. ]]
[[[ special thnks to ]]]
[[ mr. razor ]]
[[ mr. practice pad. ]]
[[ mr. drumsticks ]]
[[ mr. green ipod mini ]]
[[ mr. music ]]
[[ mr. stuidies ]]
[[ mr. pain. ]]
[[ mr. freak ]]
[[ thnks eil. ]]
[[ thnks illys ]]
[[ thnks physco chick ]]
[[ thnks fiqah ]]
[[ thnks fadzy ]]
[[ thnks sabby ]]
[[ thnks su ]]
[[ thnks wan ]]
[[ thnks zal ]]
[[ thnks wan ]]
[[ thnks josh ]]
[[ thnks kelson ]]
[[ thnks erry ]]
[[ thnks yati ]]
Saturday, September 17, 2005
the movies.was stuck at hellhole(home suite home)... went to juggle some balls wit nick. sports get things of my mind. tts y im dark. black. like yati loves to call me that. black is a nice colour. aniwaes. faizal and wan came. the dude i told that i can put my life on. wanted to go out. just when u need them the most. they will be there. so decided to watch movie. then went to faizals house to view it. was fun. fun. fun. then wanted to eat! but wan couldnt. thot u were joking dude. but i tink u were too tired. aniwaes tts all that happen at nite.
moon.
ouh yar... todae the moon was beautiful. wished i was wit someone sitting at esplanade. enjoying the city breeze. looking at the beautiful beam of the moon. it just lights up the dark sky. no stars. just a full moon. it was beautiful. so white such pearly.
[[ moon was nice. ]]
[[ movie was great. ]]
[[ guys. ur the best. ]]
im so dizzy. head's spining.
went and studie. i learnt alot. more than wat the textbook teaches. if u dont want me to studie wit u guys just sae so. y the lies? aniwaes FYI. b4 u guys came i alwaes studied alone. many pple wanted to join me i didnt want to. so i tink i studie alone its gonna be better. and i wont disturb u guys.
4t1.
had parkour session yesterdae. wit the boys. the malays. aniwaes its been long since i parkoured. and they didnt like it. they used to critized me and parkour. and it seems others too. break a leg i didnt. jumping from here to there im still waking without a limp. aniwaes now they loved parkour. we parkour outside the skool after our CPA paper. all of em cant wall run.. aniwaes teach u guys... soon. rahim gonna parkour wit the tam side boys. dont noe when. but wanna see how good they are. hAbit is good. he wanted to intro me to his boys but i just didnt have the time. mayB after n'levels alrite dude?
friends.
the only people that i relie trust wit my own life. wan, marc, faizal and some other people... wit these people i have been thru thick and thin wit them. and they are truly friends. the word friends in my dictionary represents them. and trust is a big thing for me. and if i found out u are lying. i can make ur life worse. or just lie back to u. i used to be a good liar. dont noe if still have it in me. its been long ever since i lied.
family.
i tink my family has gone crazy. my life; topsy turvy. first all of em keep nagging cos i dont studie. especially my mom, dad and sis. now mom and dad. they alwaes freaking nag and nag. then when i relie studie they keep dening that i m. fuck. y shud i waste my time studying at WS when i can anitime call my friends and freaking go out.
and my bro asks me to stop studing and come home. i didnt noe y. then when i called back he asked me to play the fucking game. and complete the map. wat the fuck? im studying. then he threaten to freaking beat me up. i didnt go home until an hours time. my mom called asking me to go home and play the god damn game. and the fuck? so i did. like an asshole. seems like it doesnt matter even if i fail. fuck it. stupid life. living life like my past is better. no problems. no friends wanna jerk u. no friends wanna lie to u. they help u when u're in trouble. the only thing is that they do loads of stuff that u dont wanna noe.
wan.
sorry dude. i didnt expect that could happen. if anithing i can help wit call me. seriously. call me. i tink i can do something. and sorry.... relie sorry. sorry .....
[[ never get wat i wanted. alwaes get when i dont want it. or when i dont ask and one dae its gonna be too late. mark these words. ]]
[[ im so sorry. ]]
[[ life. its a game. ]]
[[ and it sucks. ]]
[[ living a life of a loner. its kinda better. ]]
Friday, September 16, 2005
tears fall rolling down during n'levels.i wish these were tears of happiness. i wish these werent sad tears.
nah. wish i may wish i might it may never.
i dont understand. i just cant. but somehow i feel its my fault. i accept that. u cud have said something. u didnt. but somehow i wanna talk abt it there is alwaes something stopping me something that u did. which i cant just accept. let me forever be like this. i just cant stop thinking. its just so hard to be forgetting it just like that. somehow it just hurts badly.. people can move on i cant.just cant. and yes.. i need the time alone. mayB somehow i'll move on... mayB somehow i wont. u relie shud have said that. i told myself. now i just cant get out of it... its been worse. how i wish i cud accept it. it wasnt like before.
friends.
thanks for the help u all have given me. i relie relie thnk u all for that. thank u. just that its hard.
i just dont feel like taking my n's animore. but i thot of a close frends of wan and i tink i shud take it.
doing stupid things to u is okay. to myself its not.
feel like taking all these feelings away.
feel no hurt feel no pain. and thats left nothing to gain.
too bad there's alwaes pain.
[[ sweet smell of the razor. ]]
Thursday, September 15, 2005
wah! sian ar. lok cho si be sian leh!some hokieen there. is that how u spell it? some1 plz correct me.
todae its studie...
n'levels was easy. glad. aniwaes tmr is the freaking maths paper! and its just the prelims. i tink im gonna faint during the n's... gosh have to studie.joshsy asked me to go to the swee lee todae.. so wanna go but dont tink i can make it at 4... mayB later ya.
i still cant play honest mistake. and its so long since i sit on the drum stool... tsk... after n's la! artghhghghgh! studie... i wish maths was as easy as english, i wished we have science! fuck coral for not giving me science! and fuck 4t1 for not choosing science! i was the only motherfucker who knew that science was fucking important and u all didnt wanna listen to me cos u thot i was some kind of freak and now u noe how fucking important science u assholes! wanna pick eoa! !!!!! nooO! fuck!
[[ so freaking mad. ]]
[[ so freaking sad. ]]
[[ look on the brightside of life. i m on it. just dont feel it. ]]
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
just finished my eoa papers...it was kinda easy... i hope n'level paper are like this...
fiqah... how did u find ur Emaths? haha! i got to go early.... aniwaes i hope u did ur best.
games.
new games have arrived. the sims2 night life. expansion packs are troublesome; worth the trouble though.
cant wait to purchase the new NFS most wanted. new cars. i was waiting for a BMW or something else. its time they got better cars.
studie.
later having studing...
wat shud i learn. tmr i have eoa practical which means using the computer... and the softwares like xp, wordprocessing okay u dont wanna noe the rest. having maths paper next month all the written papers are next month so i tink im gonna studie just fer maths... later... alot of books... the weight is just like my bro's NS bag... so freaking heavy...
did a peom at the back of my eoa paper and ms tham was checking out my paper... i tink she read it. i alwaes have time fer poem during exams. im not worth ani tears. waited too long. so its goodbye. no 1 will cry.
suicidals.
every 18 mins somebody dies from a suicide.
every 43 seconds some1 attemps 1.
if u noe of anibody suicidal. keep an eye on that dude or dudette.
and talk to the person.
[[ call ]]
[[ talk ]]
[[ death comes to every1.. accept it. ]]
[[ rise of the imperfects ]]
[[ from russia wit love. ]]
woah! its freaking morning. and tmr i have my EOA prelims... its kinda shitty... and mp3 the brother from ns took. tsk. he's making it like as if he owns it... mayb i'll sell it to my sis or him... i tink my sis is the better deal. gonna buy the nano... cant wait... nano.. if it sucks then im gonna go for creative... alot of pple are asking me to go for creative... a friend of mine is giving me discounts. so i dont noe. save and go for creative? or spent it all on nano? i mean which 1 offers the best quality, sound and space? i love something wit colour and small... i thot of buying the 20GB so i told myself wat the fuck am i gonna do wit 20GB...
aniwaes cant wait fer the gig... see ya there.
[[ not tired ]]
[[ studie studie studie.. ]]
[[ nerdy pimpled me. ]]
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
conversations between suicidals can be fun to us but not to those who arent suicidal. u can just ask kelson. huh dude? all the razors the time slitting wat type of razors. i prefer the razor i just bought and stuffs.... its kinda meeting ur own pple.... i used to be told or tell by or to others wat to use and how... its kinda nice talking to them... aniwaes i wanna learn how to tie a noose... does ani1 noes?cutting.
sliting or cutting urself doesnt hurt when u're damn freaking sad and u wont noe how freaking deep u cut till u realise u lose too much blood. remember the poem i did? i tittled it blood? it was a man who was living a life of a loner and i decided to write abt him... he had aids. and my life compared to him... mine was much much more better. and living my loved and hated ones didnt seem to bother me but now it does... i mean who's gonna talk to jason. a friend of mine who alwaes asks me for help even though he can solve it himself and shits like that. and those whom i hate... who's gonna hate them and make remarks abt them... rite infront of their face's... who's gonna do silly stuffs on the mrt or at orchard road? who's gonna wash the fucking fish tank? who's gonna call my name 50 times? just becos its the sister's birthdae and im the fucking youngest...
pple tell me tis is part and parcel of life. and to my dearest friend out there. thnks for making realise all this and bringing me back to life... alot of pple asking me not to hurt or even kill myself. but i just cant help it.. afiqah.. everydae u pester me not to do it.. and u been a friend since our primary school daes... damn those were the times... aniwaes gonna miss. and thanking u....
still i cant help it.... the sadness felt by me... it cant be measured. but im holding on... so shud all the suicidals of whom are my friends... stop cutting urself or headbanging. mayB after n's but not now la...
and i noe its hard to resist. i mean thats my last resort. i make myself do things to make me forget. mostly sports. music. studie. yes studie. games. friends. and smoke. but u guys dont smoke so dont try my shit.
i noe how it feels. losing interest in life. becos the very 1 u love decided to make a decision that will shock u forever. and no matter how hard u try to forget it; u just cant. bcos of some shit... i have my reasons. so shud u guys. i dont wanna sound like i never did it or dont wanna do it. but u guys shud try.. if u cant take it.. just fcuking cry. and if u're so strong live on without the razor. i cant. but floorball is helping me. family is part of shits sometimes skool. rite now im trying to forget it and move.. its hard.. but slowly u will. so if u wanna cut just dont do it deeply.. then u'll feel warm wet and sticky. and if u die in ur own hands in ani religion its a sin.. a big 1. its a nono. so die in gods hands. its not ur time. if u wanna hurt urself go play rugby or something. and if u cant take it try smoking. its cost money though. but take it as a last resort. make sure u're 18.
[[ the razor. a last resort. ]]
[[ i suck. i dont reap wat i sew. so if u wanna cut go ahead. cos i just did ]]
[[ im not me animore. ]]
studied wit khalis and saiful!
those pple... tsk tsk tsk... okok first we studied at the library... before that i was sleeping after my exams... so freaking tired.... i didnt sleep yesterdae and did my exams so tired.. so i slept. sorry ya guy? im not a pig... not like some1 who sleeps for 12 hrs...
aniwaes studied. and saiful fought wit ayub... tsk u all ar... then must help saiful... friend mah!
then after studiing went to the park to play the swings! we were like lil kids. i dont noe wat msg khalis got but he went crazy! just like me! yeaa!!!! then saiful was kinda swinging high and then he lost control or something then he was going "ehy ehy ehy" a loud boom followed! he had fell on his back! haha! hahah! i cant help it! haha! he freaking fell from the god damn swing! haha! then it was khalis turn. he had asked me to get on the swing. cos i was sitting watching them play and khalis was swinging hardcore so i joined he was getting dizzy.. we were swinging fer awhile then he decided to stop. he too fell! but he got his leg stucked. saiful was the worst faller. haha!
and i would like to thank khalis and his mom for treating us to a wonderful meal at magic wok! and saiful! go home ar go home ar! haha!
[[ swing swing. ]]
[[ u guys fell down! i got off scot free! ]]
[[ thnks... ]]
todae i was late again... i just dont understand... when its n'levels do u even have to report to for national anthem? its so stupid... aniwaes wat was funnier was ms siti... our conversation.
ms siti: y were u late?
me: cos i was and i shudnt be.
ms siti: u shud noe rite must come early! yesterdae late already.
me: yea so? its the n'levels must report wat. so i came early
ms siti: that was the holidays u can come early now its skool.
me: ouh like that? ok then where is my late form?
ms siti: use ur head la.
me: hey! how shud i noe? its the first time im taking my n'levels
ms siti:(quiet) (she didnt sae anithing)!
----------------------------------------------- end of conversation -----------------------------------------------------------
haha i won!
and when u're late u can treat the perfects like ur maids. and control them! haha! fuck u pple! dogs of the skool!
i just hate a certain perfect i didnt get her name but she was so fucking irratating that i had to ask her to shut up... so irratating... and i tink i hurt her ego while asking her to shut up... well haha~ in the morning when u're late u dont feel so good and the exams are starting and u dont wanna hear some1 who nags more than ur mother in skool. thats 1 of the reason i go to skool fer... treat perfects like they'er shits.. not all perfects those u wanna find my mistakes... fuck u!!!...
[[ tts better ]]
[[ still not okay.. ]]
[[ studie now.. bye! ]]
Monday, September 12, 2005
yesterdae didnt sleep till 4... didnt noe y... just cant sleep. just kept thinking.. cant help.. dont noe... aniwaes slept and woke up felt like as if it was a 10 min sleep. so i took my time. eat my breakfast usually i dont eat and then dilldle wit my hair and went to skool.ms siti hak! she wanted to talk to me like as if she was some kind of great woman. aniweas i had her backfire! yea! then she brought the whole guys of 4t1 to sundram. he said if we didnt cut our hairs now... dont even bother to take the prelims. so kah chai went up wit chye poh. then i followed. asked kah chai to cut my sideburn and i cut his.. had to do some shits then help chye poh wit his fringe.. idiot kid i said i would cut fer him and he did it all by himself. then finish my hair is no good. is this called a bad hair dae? i dont mind its kinda fun... aniwaes long hair dont look good without ani sideburns..... well going to meet khalis and friends. bye!
[[ my hair.... ]]
[[ wat kid? ]]
Sunday, September 11, 2005
wan dali and metodae i had come to a bachelor party.... morning... early morning... his parents had went to malaysia for something. and invited me over at abt 10 pm came wit toothbrush and towel adn had a wild party!!! well the 3 of us. but it was fun... watched a whole lot of movies... funny scary and stupid... ( no porn plz ) aniwaes slept there and woke up at abt 11. kewl..
my hair..
im gonna miss my long hair didnt take pics of it th
ough... but tis was the last time... during thej une holidaes. when times were happy...[[ slumbers ]]
[[ sleeps... ]]
wanted to blog just noe... couldnt... aniwaes... got to blog now.
morning woke up... freshen up and help the gals carry things here and there. the last thing i did was bought ice. aniwaes for my sis birthdae presents i gave her me. she has the whole dae wit me. i did that cos i didnt have time to buy her a new LV bag and i knew she was gonna need my help buying her stuffs so i offered me. kinda lame. aniwaes went shopping wit her. then i was looking at swatches and the salesman came and said buy tis for ur boyfriend. kapoww! boyfriend? am i that old? then he went elder brother? my sis is god damn 21... so i went and said im the lil bro. haha.. tts was funny...
studie.
then i went to meet up wit my frend and studie... hee. escaping the trouble of meeting pple and sitting there. so studie wit him from 4 till 8... tts good. kinda warmed up my brain. so ate and came back and talked. just had my whole future plan. my careere( how u spell that?) all planned. soon gonna get a job. a rewarding 1... so kinda glad. being offered...
name calling check.
on thursdae. my name was called 10 times. cos i was out.
on fridae. my name was called abt 20 times. cos i had to help out.
on saturdae. my name was called freaking 50 times. and im not lying...
i hate it. as the youngest. and all those youngest in the family shud noe. they keep calling my name.. faliq tis faliq that. i just sigh and do it... so freaking bored. hate it... hate them... im not the freaking maid. the maid is standing beside u! i dont understand them... i thot no 1 understands me.. but the last person whom i thot wont understand me actually does!... gosh i hate her so much. its my 2nd sis. she noes me... inside out. my fader was talking abt my bro and how i would survive in NS. they all said that i couldnt survive . but my sis said i could. she said i had a emotional lost and stuffs so i wouldnt miss my parents and family. cos it happen when i was overseas wit my aunty and uncle in florida and i didnt call them or thot abt them or so when aunt reported. so it started from young. those who noes me noe.... i was shocked when she knew... atlast some1 who noes me but dont understands me. no 1 does understands me. relie well. only me... im freaking weird. im gonna stop that. i hate my cuzzies... die motherfuckers.
camera.
its been so long ever since i took pics of nature, the urban and the suckiest thing called life... u gotta live thru its. thanks to my dearest frewn who decided to look me up... only now.. and plz reply my msgs ASAP.. its okay if u cant cos i cant. so mayB after n's... i wanna go to the electrico gig. and tmr the seranaide.. the pinholes gonna be there soon... hope i cud. n'lebel. tsk... well todae is the last dae b4 skool. im expecting prelims. studied fer it... so i need not worry. and smokes get me along. just knew i had a weak heart. smokes. its good and its bad. fuck it. i have to. tsk. still cant wait to get my stuffs. i mean its kinda shocking when u have a 1 on 1 talk wit ur sis and she saes u can have a drumset in ur room as long as u dont make noise and all the money is urs and no 1 else... just waiting fer the dae.... my entry is kinda crappy. tis ryms and i dont noe wat to do. dont feel like doing peoms todae. hey i think i just did!...
this is a story abt laura and tommy. its kinda long...
laura and tommy were lovers
he wanted to give her everything.
flowers present and most of all a diamond ring...
he saw a sign for a stock* car race
a thousand dollar price it reind
he couldnt get laura on the fone
so to her mother tommy said:
tell laura i love her.
tell laura i need her.
tell laura i may be late.
i'hv something to do that cannot wait.
he drove his car to the racing ground.
he was the youngest driver there
and the crowd roared as they started the race
round the track the drove at a deadly pace
no one noes wat happen that dae.
how his car over turned in flames
but as they pull him from the twisted wreck
with his dying breath they heard him say...
tell laura i love her.
tell laura i need her.
tell laura not to cry my love for her will never die....
and in the chaple where laura prayed
for her tommy who passed away
its was just for laura he lived and died
alone in the chaple he can hear him cry.
oo laura i love u.
oo laura i need u.
oo laura dont u cry my love for u will never die.
[[ drumset... ipod nano.... EOS.... some shits... ]]
[[ i cant fucking wait. ]]
[[ so freaking tired. ]]
[[ wats wit me and vulgars? ]]
Friday, September 09, 2005
i knew it! i just knew it. ipod came up wit a ipod nano. yee! so its either gonna be ipod or ipod nano! damn shits! thnks kelson for telling me in a way. look at it! its so freaking small its gonna be mine. hmm 1000 songs equals to how many gig? 1? 2? 3? wow. i tink its gonna be mine. soon. do expect anithing. mayB i'll wait fer a new 1... who noes. im unperdictable.
aniwaes how was u guys yesterdae? still chilling out? how i wish i could drown my sorrows wit u guys. who was there? mayB after my n's... mayB.
ouh yar. thnks for tagging. made me feel better as im down already. thnks alot. i appericate it.
i still need to noe wat to wear for halloween. all my frends have bought theirs. so wat shud i get? help...
ipod nano.
kewl eh? 1000 songs is good enuff fer me...
percussions.
the pearl lacks of cymbals. but i like it. cos im gonna get my own cymbals. my teacher said that the cymbals are freaking expensive but its worth it to buy... its like getting another drumset but its worth the buy... hearing chiss! relie beautiful.. cos i played on the suckest cymbals b4. marcos i tink. the cymbals sounds like as if u're hitting a zinc thingy.
the tama has cymbals that are quite good. but its not slilent... so i'll think over it once i get the cash..
my wish list.
ipod/ipod nano.
pearl Rhythm Traveler Drumset/ tama stagestar custom
a bag of vic-firth, promark and some zildjian signature sticks
conga and other percussions.
a handphone that has bluetooth....( as long as it can call and msg its good enuff fer me)
E.O.S
piercings....
tts all. actually there's alot more things i wanna get but these are the importants. all these after n'levels.....
[[ ipod nano ]]
[[ the drumsets ]]
[[ my stuffs ]]
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
hey! GUYS. dont ever mock my laughter.. i mean i dont have an original.but relie i was laughing and coughing at the same time. no 1 can do that only me. its sound like coughing then ends wit a laugh.. wat u dont xpect me to laugh like a house lizard rite.
okok i noe wat to do. laugh like woody wood pecker.... aniwaes meet u guys on fridae. we gotta studie!!!
ouh yar.
having halloween party soon. wat shud i wear? any ideas? ani1?
[[ halloween ]]
[[ woody wood pecker. ]]
well. its seems that i have just lost a friend. tsk tsk tsk. misunderstanding. well dude. wateva....
aniwaes.
mods.
it seems that im not interested in that culture anymore. im not interested in any culture. and guess wat sharil. im gonna be myself. so wat if i listen to emo. i listen to punk. i listen to metal. i listen to everything dude. ever tried cuban? do u even noe wats that? all u noe is just mods. so wat. u like that culture. go ahead wit it. hey its ur life. so dont try to interupt mine. im not any mods. and it doesnt mean if u listen to emo u're an emo kid. so if i listen to ska im a rudeboy? dont be stupid. please... its music. every1 listens to music. im sure some of u listen to ska but u're not a rudie. i will listen to wateva i want to. i will dress up howeva i want to. so wat if i was interested in mods in the past. thats the past. asshole. many pple have stepped down. and u wanted to step down too. u wanted to be a mods fan. so wat if i asked some knowledge from u. dude asking isnt wrong. so wat if my blog is like someother emo kid. i aint. dont be a sterotype mother fucker... just bcos u're feeling sad doesnt mean u have to be emo. dude i have a friend who's problems are bigger. but he aint emo. so why shud i be. he feels emo. sad! emo sad! fucker! so stop embrassing urself. do it to ur favour. ass... im feeling sad fer u. just 1 dae. i forgot. to come. i told u to call me. u didnt. so whose fault izzit? mine? urs? tsk. i need not ask. aniwaes just get the fuck off my back. u and ur enimies. mayB i'll join them. u havent seen my baddest side of me. u havent. not 1 bit. ouh u have seen the crazy side though. so wateva it is im sorie. aniwaes i dont feeling like saying that animore. so fuck off. a friend can bcome a foe. same to u dude. no wonder those pple didnt like u. cos u dont accept forgiveness. fuck u. if u dont wanna accept it fine. i'll fuck off. gosh these werds..... ouh yar. u noe malik? u noe alip? u noe farmin? these dude have step down. and u're calling them a wanker. they are fiercer than u dude. they'hv step down. so wat a wanker? i cant be labeled as a wanker cos i didnt even stepped into the mods culture. and i like listening to all kind of music. like i said. i have many choices. so wat if i dont dress up. so too bad ur wanker calling is not of ani use. u can label me as anithing. FYI i have friends who are into satanic, punk, emo and ska. and i dont dress up like them. even if i go to these gigs its just for the music. not hte fashion. mayB some pple will wanna go into cultures for fashion. dude i wear my own fashion... and yes i have been to gigs. i listen to music. i dont wanna be stuck. tts y i live the life i want...
[[ aint a mod ]]
[[ cant call me wanker cos im not 1. common sense dude? ]]
[[ wateva it is. fuck off. ]]
just woke up and got bad news. my bro is having his passing on. which means he has finish his BMT(basic military training) and will be home every single fucking dae! hell its gonna be. how do i juggle smoking and him? i dont noe... aniwaes todae might be the last dae i stopped smoking. or mayB nots. exams. CPA and EOA. gotta studie fer that. todae. tmr. and a lil' bit of maths.
nothing lasts forever. execpt for diamonds unless u lose them ;nothing last forever.
i used to sae to some1.... that if u want something to last forever. its like cooking. u have to have the perfect ingridients.
and its so hard to keep them unless the other party cooks too. so its kinda we thing than i. its like a team. if 1 dont wanna do it then the rest cant. so its hard. and yea 2.... its wat makes it last longer. till death.
who the fuck can answer tis riddle.
If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
[[ ans please? ]]
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
i thot that i had won the battle. but i relie relie lost the war. just cant win. its so hard. i tink i lost. relie... so hard.well. tink abt that later.
just came back from egan's again. tsk. mustnt do that ever again. im not studying. its bad. tmr gotta studie. cant forfeit.
so happy. u guys seem so happy. and witout me. im glad! atleast i noe u have some1 that will take notice of u then the oldy faliq! hak! aniwaes take care. and alwaes be happy. so whoever the person is... tat i saw u talking so lovingly(wheee wittt) i hope that u made the right choice. and im happy fer u! so u're not sad animore rite?
gonna sae goodbye to the social life i had. its just a many farewell. yet farewells can be so hurting... gonna go into thy nerdy studying me.... relie gotta push myself tis blood comes out of my nose. i dont wanna fail. after all the hard werk. if i relie fail then i would kill myself.... after oct7 then i will be coming back to the life of mine... gonna be new... aniwaes rite now its just studie. all study. gonna be bored... missed. goodbye. so sad. fux feelings.
[[ incureable. ]]
[[ nvr gonna be thy same. ]]
[[ nerdy ]]
Monday, September 05, 2005
Just finished my MT exams. whew. it was okay. at first it i thot it was at 1430hrs then i checked in the morning it was at 0800! and it was at 2am when i checked. so decided to sleep! i went to egan's house which totally rocked. relie it does. he has many guitars. ps2 and a xbox. i mean its the ultimate chilling out place! ouh yar he got a keyboard too. it was fun played all nite long. yea and i went home at 12+ thnks to pat! who used the computer! i tink she didnt wanna switched it off if she cud she wud wanna stay there till the next morning! tsk tsk tsk. aniwaes emo together. just cheer up okay! dont cheer up its fine! cry! wee! cry is good! but dont cry too much. u'll lose ur eyesight! just like me! yea todae i wanna learn deep purple and jam on the keyboard again!... too bad i gotta studie first. all those pple counting on me.. i shall not let u down... so if i pass my n's its thanks to u guys. thnks alot! after i finish lets celebrate! we'll talk abt that later. hak!todae forgot my exam slip and ic! i had to run back! nearly got run down thought. whew... aniwaes fuck that driver he still got the nerves to horn. he was driving fast! asshole! haha! fuck u! thats rite fuck u!
then went wit aslan. smoked abt 5 sticks! felt better! wee! so high! i wanted to fly! haha! so sad that i poet! kewl! haha okies im crazy sading. i dont noe wats that!
[[ fux! ]]
[[ smokes is good! ]]
[[ werk? at downtown east? ]]
Saturday, September 03, 2005
dreams music and blood.dreams.
i have been having weird dreams. and some good 1's. first it was a happy moment. talking walking sharing and stuffs. all the things i like doing. then suddenly it turns dark. sad. and it rain. me playing soccer? didnt catch the ball. then breaking my hand. suddenly blood? then was playing the drums. relie fast. i dont noe. weird... it was the same for two daes straight. it was alwaes dissapointing. cos i dont wish to wake up. i mean i dont want the bad part. and when i wake up i feel so regretful. and i feel like sleeping again. dream. and all i can do now is just dream...
music.
it changes the mood. from sad to happy. the suspends... it does. and eerie. wow. it needs no translation. from brazilian music to france. just listen and enjoy. its something beautiful.
blood.
Wet warm and sticky. thats wat he felt.
cold wet and sad that was wat i felt.
the slit it thirce.
i did it twice.
he fell asleep.
i felt dizzy.
he set his hope so high.
do did i.
now he's dead.
he had aids.
i had a broken heart.
which forced me to cut.
sadness grew upon me.
darkness became my second friend.
n's
yesterdae was my n'level listening compre. whew! it was easy! gosh... i thot i was gonna get kapoww! but i didnt! i went in wit no confidence. and i came out winning the match. i didnt noe wat gave me confidences. i was sad. something happen somewhere. peed in my pants i didnt. aniwes thnks.
[[ music blood and dreams. shattered. ]]
Thursday, September 01, 2005
todae holidae. didnt sleep well. hate it.went out wit marco. to penin. he went to do his shopping. i did mine. bought a green jacket/blazor? i dont noe if its a blazor. dont tink soo. gonna dye it black. green... army green. almost bought a sabian and zildjian shirt. but the colours are so common. hate it. aniwaes gonna print my own shirt. got my artist...
tmr n's listening compre.!!!! no fones plz... dont busted the others!...
still gotta studie. although its hard. i have to sae goodbye. goodbye fun... see u in a month's time... .
[[ my n's! ]]
[[ im peeing in my pants! ]]
[[ does that rhyms? ]]
yesterdae was teacher's dae. i didnt get to log on the computer cos i went out. alot of times. aniwaes went there wit a floorball stick. malu. okies.. then watched the guys kick the boards. it was good that i quit that club when i was at primary skool. but afiqah went on!.... u got my support gal! then it was floorball!!!! tat stupid yati was such a big ass lazy bum. in the end she had to get up. tt was stupid of u!... aniwaes we went then the teachers wanted a break. the express students were taking sticks so we asked of a match. we played and it 2-1 we were leading. then some boys joined in. it was too many so i went out and saw the ex-students.! kewl. i noe them they noe me. we chatted for awhile. some of em were late so didnt get a chance to talk to em. turned around the boys were still there. so i went up to the hall. saw farhan's group. talk to em for awhile. the dancers were practicing. and then i help farhan set up the drums. kick snare drum. stage. it was nice. got to play on it. didnt play ani songs just beats. it was good. but the snare was cracky.. and the tom tom. who the hell tuned the drums? aniwaes. tis entry. is goonna be long. read it when u have time.
then went down to see the soccer boys and netball gals. then the gals were doing goalkeepers warm up. wat the hell? do a headstand on the ball!.. lame. okies. so got tis lady. she went up to me and asked where is muhamad faliq. then i asked y? she said u won the poetry! wow. two spots. i didnt wanna claim the price. so when every1 assemble at the hall i was suppose to sit at the front just beside the stage. hak! so when it was time. i knew they wont say my name. cos i didnt report. i dont noe y i got so fucking scared.. okok nvm. then it was whew. and the first prize. i tink it was racheal? or emily. i dont noe. but emily's scribble was so damn freaking good.the blood flowed so beautifully the colours seems so perfect. so pure. kapoww!.... aniwaes i hope they wont say my name!faliq. hak! okok then encore. u guys were okay. but i tink stage fright got over u guys. it was better when u guys jam.
went home. khalis msged. and asked me to go to PRPS. so i went. they didnt wait fer me. so boring walk alone. nvm. alot of pple called me. aniwaes. i went in. and first saw the EM3 dudes! the classmates of mine! it was fun meeting the gang. the whole class came. okay not all but the best ones did. we talked abt the past. it was so fun. then i met the teachers. and those who had taught us had left only 1 was left. and he was the best. mr.john. and saw my arab teacher who could speak 5 tounges. i tink he can speak more. every1 remembered.! i stil have the look. gosh i was chubby when i was in primary skool. so its jenggkis. then those from express and acd. came. but i only knew yong hui and faizal. we do talk at skool. hak! we talk and talk and talk. met alot of pple. but some were just super ignorent. if they wanna be like tat i cant stop them... so guys. wateva. aniwaes eat the food i used to eat for 6 years. it was relie nice. and tmr i have to go for floorball. i still suck so im hoping to learn something from that. the coach who used to teach us still is coaching the pasirian knights. kewl kewl. long time didnt meet him. still remember his goatee.
then it was off home. gotta go to town. wanna watch the maid. it was kewl. got dressed up. and went. i got the guys waiting fer me. it was warren, yati, and jun jie. it was super fun... they got in we talked. reached bought the tickets and the movies starts at 6.10 but we bought the tickets at 5.20 so it was still long. decided to go to far east plaza for some stuffs. then i saw MS.NAJ! i mean seeing her around is nothing. i bought mcflurry and it was gonna drip! i was so shocked that i my mouth was open. cos at skool last week i said to her. hey 1 dae i'll meet u at far east plaza. that just came out of my mouth. and here she is! wit other teachers of course. then they went for their movie. we still walked at far east. look for a place to pierce. i wanna ask the price. if its cheap i'll pierce it right now. then i promised. so didnt go there. and instead went to look for ear studs for warren. soon enuff it was 6.10 and they wanted to run. i said the movie will start later. im a movie buff. of course i noe!!! listen to me! aniwaes they didnt so they walked fast. i told them to walk slowly. tsk tsk tsk. bought pop corn and coke. went in. talk b4 the movie started. then it starts. yati was so freaking scared!. jun jie was cool. so was warren. as alwaes the frighten 1 was me. the sound was freaking great.
then when something jumps out. i will shout and scream till my legs go up on my seat and its like as if im gonna jump out of my sit. i was grabbing jun jie. then i was okay. still shocked the pple sitting at our row were luffing. hak! not many pple though. and they used the big theather. fun. then i was jumping abt four times throught out the movie. some part were boring. i threw pop corns at the guys. haha. aniwaes the last part was funny. those who havent watch shud. and u'll understand wat im abt to sae. the lady went out wit a knife trying to chase the maid and b4 that. the road was very bad. alot of accident happened there. on the same road that the lady wanted to cross. so the stupid lady waited on the road ON the road. cos the maid had fell. she was in a chongsam. and she cant relie run. so she fell. the lady was holding a knife and waited. i thot she was gonna get her. she walked than the lorry came and knocked her down. i luff my lungs out!! so funny. then i made a remark. "please look left and right b4 u cross wit a knife." every1 luffed! whew. i thot they were gonna throw popcorns. hak!... then we went to get rokoks. yati still scared. didnt wanna go home alone. haha. then we chilled at paragon. went to heeren then went back home. saw tis teacher at mrt. which was wit ms naj. ms farah and all. we talked to him. then it was bedok. yati had to go off. we disturb yati. dont look behind when somebody calls ur name. ee! hahaks. sorie. just joking. then it was pasir ris. went to spilt the rokok. then i sent the guys to the interchange. they took 359. the other 1. smoked and left. walked home. then i was afraid that wati i mean yati. would be afraid. i didnt care for myself cos i got music.then i called her. ouh yar. when we finish the movie there were like signs.. rose restaurant. a movie poster. and all. we were disturbing yati all the wae. okies i called her then suddenly almost reaching my block. it was abt 10+? i don noe then suddenly my fone was turn off. put my fone off. then i walked. walk till i reach my block. was walking under then the lights at the lamp post went off. i wasnt as scared cos it happen alot of times. and i tink its me. not some constentine. so wasnt as scared. i shudnt be scared. but i was. cos it was the maid i had watched! so i just brushed it off. then went home. at the gate... i was so fucking scared.! went in. had my bath. and slept no mood to eat. tsktsktsk... well tsts all tat happen. had a stupid dream of that was suppose to be nightmare. i had stupid dreams. loves the dreams when u jump off buildings. okies.. finished. thnks for reading... approach me. when u finish.
[[ the maid. ]]
[[ u cud try. ]]
[[ nvr coming home ]]
[[ the light ]]
