a bullet through the heart </3

Monday, January 30, 2006

summary.
staying here. watching myself in the mirror wit the luffing gas in my brain for the time being im watching myself smile after a period of time. it was nice to see. but it wasnt me. it was the gas. and it was out of my system fast. would i still be the same? i keep asking myself the question. staying there awhile. i left myself. my real self. a joyful happy go lucky smilling bastard. under the circumstances. hear the loud music blasting. the heart aches. and the problems arent fading away. it feels like summer again. the time i should be happy changed to the worst time of my life. these things get in my way. just like a storm. it feels like im about to lose my mind. and i dont have much inside. i try to be my real self but it is mixing with other emotions. i dont feel normal. and i have to stop lying to myself. but i dont wanna leave. summer changed me. for the good, for the worst. so do i still have to keep asking myself. that there is much more to life than this? i try to walk away but... it seems so hard. and no matter wat people say it just wont go through... u cant hurt a hurt person. it wont work. it never does. it feels so wrong. and where are you now..... u moved on. and now im gone. u wont go ever looking back and say i want you. tears are flowing. blood; drips. i dont noe. somehow the mood changes. and yea. i want you. but its so hard. everytime i tink of you. everywhere i look its u. i see you. so much i miss you. here i am and there u are. and the dreams. cry myself to sleep at night just the thought of you. the good times we had. i dont noe if u felt good... just dont forget it. i remember it just like yesterday. our lifes. so similar. i noe there is no more chance. i can never let you go. i cant bear to say goodbye. i close my eye and i see you. sounds fucking corny. cant hold back these tears. miss my one chance to say. and i feel like im at fault. these scars are the memories for the years to come. open wounds; broken hearts. i dont noe if u felt the same. somehow things can never be the same and i dont noe when it will heal. and somehow u change me how i tink. u saved me from my past. but when it ended it ended real bad. why cant i get u out of me. now i have conclusions and looking for the answers. i thot otherwise. these memories and things they are bringing me down. love can fade.... and yea it can break away and fuck it can be forgotten but it can not replaced. yours. so goodbye.

[[ i'll miss you ]]
[[ the pain control my every thot ]]
[[ i cant wait to see the day..... ]]

talk to da MAN

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